


Petit a petit, l’oiseau fait son nid

by Current_Queen_Of_Hell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Beauxbatons student Sirius, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Football | Soccer, Foreign Exchange Student Sirius Black, French Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, James Potter is Whipped, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Sirius Black, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current_Queen_Of_Hell/pseuds/Current_Queen_Of_Hell
Summary: James is very much against the idea of a foreign exchange student from France of all places staying with him and studying to Hogwarts. Then said student actually arrives and James finds that he may have been a little wrong toward his assumptions about one Sirius Black. They get along better than expected. James thinks that maybe, the next three years until graduation won't be so bad after all. If only his new exchange student could stop being so cute.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 51
Kudos: 164





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in a an AU in which Sirius studies at Beauxbatons in France and lives there with his family. He comes to Hogwarts as an exchange students for the last three years of his education. This is still very much magic.
> 
> POV's a little iffy as of now, I gotta get on fixing that. For now, comments, kudos and all that stuff is very much appreciated. I love all of them.

“James, how many times have I told you to clean out the guest room?”

Euphemia Potter was at her wits end. Her son was sitting in his room doing whatever it is teenagers do these days, instead of doing as she’d told him. The exchange student who’d be staying with them for the next three years would arrive in less than an hour and the house was an absolute mess. There are books on the coffee table when they are supposed to be on the shelve, the kitchen still has a few plates on the counter and the carpet hadn’t been cleaned in at least a week. It is not at all how she wanted to present her home to the new student staying with them.

Sirius Black, is his name. Heir apparent of the black throne, born and raised in France, currently studying at Beauxbatons Academy. He would stay with them as an exchange student until he graduated at Hogwarts. There had been the option for him simply stay in school for all three years, never go anywhere for the holidays but McGonagall had argued that it would not be good for a growing boy to be alone for that long. So she’d convinced Dumbledor to do the much less common thing and placed him with a host family. This of course, had lead to the Black family insisting they find a pureblood one. After much arguing and weeks of uncertainty Sirius had finally been allowed to stay with the Potters. Of course, he’d been asked whether he’d rather stay with a family or at the school, however, he’d given a noncommittal ‘I don’t care’ and proceeded to tune out of most of the conversation. Euphemia hadn’t met him yet, however McGonagall insisted that he was a bright young who would fit right into their family.

James had been very much against the idea of hosting someone. He’d said this numerously and loudly whenever he could. It had only fueled Euphemia’s want to take in Sirius. She thought it might be good for James to not be the only child anymore. She was hoping he might grow up less egocentrically and narcissistic than most only children do. Being around someone more would be good for him. James had argued that he was around people at school all year, namely Remus and Peter and on occasion a few others such as Marlene, Alice, Lilly and Frank. Euphemia had raised her brow and told him to go clean out the guest room for Sirius to occupy. He’d done so begrudgingly and only finished it halfway. There were still boxes in the room and the mirror was still covered with a cloth. They never used the guest room, until now, that is.

She huffs and smooths out her dress before going to the guest room to put it in order. Pulling out her wand, she quickly moves the boxes from around the bed and into the closet to be removed at a later date. They were to leave for the train station in 10 minutes, there was no time to clean the room out right now.

Fleamont finds her removing the dust from the windowsill and bookshelves shortly before they are to leave. He smiles and places a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

“It’ll be fine. I’m sure he won’t mind the room.”

“It’s not the room I’m worried about. At least not only that.” She grumbles. Fleamont follows her eyes to find her looking at James who had by now moved from his room to the main living room, his feet up on the coffee table, a book in his hand.

“They’ll get along.”

“How do you know?”  
“James is sociable. He can’t help but make friends.”

“I hope you’re right. Otherwise this will be a very bloody uncomfortable next three years.”

“We can always send Sirius to stay at the school if this doesn’t work out.”

Euphemia scoffs and swats at Fleamont’s hand on her shoulder, “We will do no such thing. We will make this work, whether James likes it or not.”

Fleamont laughs and guides her into the hallway and toward the foyer, “James!” He calls out. A few seconds later a very unhappy looking James comes trudging into the foyer. He has a frown on his face and his hands are stuffed into his pockets.

“Do we really have to do this? Why can’t he just stay at Hogwarts?”

“It’s too late now,” Euphemia says while pulling on her coat, “I will not hear a word from you that isn’t kind. You will get along whether you like it or not. Now, get dressed, we’re leaving.”

James pulls on his coat as slowly as he possibly can, trying to drag the whole ordeal out as much as possible. Maybe they’d be late and Sirius would just apparate back home, or something like that. James isn’t completely sure.

He’d spent the last weeks before summer vacation complaining to Remus and Peter about Sirius. They’d told him that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but he’d refused to accept it. They aren’t personally involved in the ordeal, therefore their opinions aren’t valid.

Euphemia is a nervous wreck by the time they find the right platform. Traveling with Floo Powder had barely given her time to panic and now that it was suddenly real, the was going all out. She’s never met this person before, what if he as horrible? His parents had been, to put it frankly, unfriendly and rude in the few letters they’d exchanged and had been very particular about their blood line and Sirius’ status as their heir. Maybe James is right, maybe this is a bad idea.

She doesn’t have much time to go over all of this as the train arrives not a minute after they found the platform. Fleamont grips her hand tightly, reassuring her. James stands next to them, looking every bit the angry teenager he is playing up to be. Euphemia had never seen him this frustrated.

All sorts of people step off the train, adults, seniors, parents with their children here on vacation, and one Sirius Black. He stands out among the crowd in his pristine pale blue linen suit and white button down. His suit jacket is open, one hand stuffed into his pockets the other holding a suitcase as he scanned the crowd. In contrast, his hair is wild and looks about as messy as could be. His face is sullen and bored almost, as though he couldn’t care less that he’s about to spend three years away from his family, in a foreign country. He has a single suit case standing next to him and a bag slung over his shoulder. He looks not at all what Euphemia had expected. She’d expected a man with a black suit, looking every bit the heir to one of the most notorious pure blood families across Europe. Instead, stands a boy, barely 15 with an expression that was far too empty for someone his age. That instant she makes up her mind. He will be her son, damnit. No arguing, and no buts. This boy will get back that spark in his eyes.

She huffs and grabs Fleamont’s hand tightly, pulling him toward where Sirius is standing. James follows behind them reluctantly. Her heels click loudly even among the crowds of people on the platform.

“Sirius Black?” She asks when she stops in front of him, reaching out her hand to him. He takes it with much hesitation. He looks her up and down slowly. She tries not to let it bother her. Then, he nods slowly.

“Are you Mrs Potter?” He asks, his French accent thick. She should have expected that.

“Yes. This is my husband Fleamont and our son James.” He gestures to theme each. Fleamont gives a kind smile and stretches out his hand for a firm handshake. Sirius takes it reluctantly. James gives a small wave. This won’t do.

“We’re very excited to have you with us. I’m sure we’ll get along grand.”

“I hope so, I really wouldn’t want to be a bother.” He says in what is probably the fakest politeness Euphemia has ever heard.

“Come along then. We’ll get you home right away, so we can show you your room and you can unpack all your stuff.” She says, “Where’re the rest of your things?”

“This is all I have.”

Euphemia doesn’t let this intimidate her, “James, take his suitcase and bag. Let’s get on with it. I have dinner preparations to make.”

“But mom-“  
“No buts. He’s our guest.”

James huffs but grabs the blue suitcase and holds out his hand for Sirius to put his messenger bag in.

“That’s kind of you, but I’ll just carry it myself.” Again with the fake politeness.

James doesn’t question it and follows Fleamont and Euphemia back out of the station. Euphemia is walking at the front with Sirius asking all sorts of questions, whether he’s ever been to Britain, since when he’s had holidays, whether he has any siblings and what his favorite food is so she can make it that evening. Sirius answers all questions reluctantly.

“You know we’re not doing this to replace you, right?” Fleamont asks his son when they fall behind them a little bit.

“Sure seems like it.”

“James,” He says, “We’re hosting him because leaving him at Hogwarts for the entire time would be cruel.”

“Why couldn’t someone else shot him then?”

“You used to beg us to have a brother to hang out with, what happened?”

“I grew up. Sirius isn’t and never will be my brother.”

Fleamont sighs, “James look at me. You always have been and always will be our one and only son. Let your mother have this, she’s always wanted another child. Let her enjoy this, alright?”

James huffs but doesn’t answer. He grips the handle of the suitcase tighter, which is surprisingly light given that Sirius will stay three years, and continues following Euphemia.

They go back home using floo powder and soon enough they are standing in the foyer of their house again. To his credit, Sirius doesn’t seem at all phased.

“Welcome home,” Euphemia beams as she announces their return, “James will show you to your room so you can unpack and then why don’t you join me in the kitchen and help me make that dish you told me about? I never have made French food before.”

Sirius smiles a little and for the first time it seems genuine, “Thank you Mrs Potter. That’s very nice of you.”

“Oh!” She swats her hand at him, “None of that. Calling me Mrs Potter makes me seem old. Call me Euphemia.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that.”

She smiles, “Grand. Now, of you go boys.”

James glares at her once before turning around and walking down the hall and toward the staircase leading up to the bedrooms. The house is huge and for once James appreciates the opportunity to be away from anyone else at any given time.

Sirius doesn’t speak the entire way to his room. He looks sad almost, his eyes downcast, never lifting his head further than needed to see past the next corridor. James feels a pang of guilt for resenting Sirius without even knowing him. After all, Sirius is away from home in a different country, barely speaking the language.

James opens the oak door to the gust- no, to Sirius’, room and steps to the side to let him in first. Once Sirius is standing in the room James follows, placing the suitcase next to the bed. He fully expects Sirius to scoff and begin ranting about the state the room is in and demand he get a different one, given what his mom has told him about Sirius’ family, but no. Sirius stands, smiles and whispers a quiet, “Regulus would love it.”

James choses not to ask about it, figures Sirius didn’t mean to say it out loud. He watches as Sirius moves around the room, opening the closet to find boxes piled o top of each other, opening the windows to let fresh air in and finally dropping on the bed. Of course, he doesn’t lie down, simply sits on it, back straight as a rod and stiff as a wooden board.

“Sorry ‘bout the boxes. Forgot to clean them out of the room.”

“It’s alright. I’ll put them away later. I don’t have much stuff anyway.”

“Yeah about that, do you want any help unpacking? Mom would kill me if I don’t offer.”  
Sirius laughs loudly and James decided he likes that sound. Maybe Sirius isn’t all that bad after all. Just maybe.

“If you don’t have anything better to do.” Sirius answers.

James does, in fact have better things to do, like say go scream to Peter and Remus about his cute new exchange student, or call Lilly and complain to her, however he doesn’t say any of that. Instead he grins and goes to open the closet once more, “Nothing else at all. I’d be glad to help.”

“Then let’s get on with it. Your mom did offer to make my favorite food, I don’t want to be late for that.”

“Trust me, you can’t be. She’ll drag you to the table if she has to.”

“Will she really?”

“Yes.” James says seriously, “You’re already part of the family, no going back. I hope you enjoy the next three years here.”

“I think I just might.”

With that the two boys set to unpacking all of Sirius’ very limited luggage.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read this horrible excuse of a story! I'm glad you liked it (if you did).
> 
> I returned home from my own exchange semester recently (Because of COVID) so now I might be writing more. I hope I'll get around to doing this story as well.
> 
> (I did not proofread this because it was one am and I was tired so I'm sorry in advance)
> 
> Comments, Kudos and all that jazz are greatly appreciated.

Euphemia is surprised to find James and Sirius walking into the kitchen, not fighting. James is talking about God knows what while Sirius is smiling at him fondly. Sirius is still wearing that baby blue blazer and Euphemia has half a mind to tell him that he can wear more comfortable clothing around the house if he wants, but then thinks better of it. Rather let Sirius get used to everything first.

“You boys came just in time. I was about to start on dinner,” She smiles at them when they arrive in the kitchen.

“We have to buy Sirius new clothes.”  
Euphemia’s eyes widen in at James’ words, “James, what did we say about being nice?” She reprimands him.

“That’s not what I mean! He has nothing! His closet is half empty! I can’t deal with seeing him in the same outfit every damn day.”

“It’s alright, James, really.” Sirius says quietly, “I have more than enough clothing.”

“You do not.”

“James, why don’t we talk about this later? When Sirius has gotten settled in?” She asks as sweetly as she can, “For now, Sirius, why don’t you explain that dish to me again? I want to get it perfectly right.”  
Sirius looks taken aback for a second, as though he’s surprised that Euphemia was serious about cooking his favorite meal, but quickly recovers, “If you’re sure that it’s no bother for you.”

“Nonsense.” She smiles and turns to her stove, “Get over here and get whatever you need from the fridge. If you’re missing something James and you can just get it from the store. It’s not too late in the day yet.”

James settles himself in one of the stools at the counter watching them. Cautiously Sirius makes his way to the fridge, looking a little afraid to open it. Euphemia nods and he opens it as quietly as he possibly can. James finds it just a little odd.

It takes Sirius less than a minute to assemble everything he needs and then come to the conclusion that they were missing fries. Euphemia grabs her wallet, pulls out her wallet and presses 20 quid into James’ hand.

“Buy him some snacks as well. He’s awfully thin,” She whispers in his ear when she gives him the money.

James doesn’t question it, more annoyed with the fact that he has to go grocery shopping, especially with Sirius. They get dressed and James damn near drags Sirius out of the front door, wanting to get it all over with rather quickly. Sirius seems a little surprised but doesn’t comment on it.

“Now, what is it we’re getting?” He asks once they’re out in the street.

“Fries.” Sirius answers simply.

“Fries?” James’s asks, “Not frog legs or snails?”

“No, we’re making Steak Frites. I think you’ll like it.”  
And, wow, that answer is a lot friendlier than James expected. He’d expected Sirius to get offended at his stereotyping, had hoped for it even. Just so he could have a reason to dislike him. Instead Sirius had answered completely factually and kindly, as though he genuinely thought James had simply thought they’d be making something else. Or maybe Sirius just didn’t have the ability to be offended in English yet. Maybe he was cussing James out for being an ignorant prick in colorful French in his head where James couldn’t hear.

“Let’s go then. Mum gave me 20 quid, that’s more than enough to get fries, what do you say we get some snacks as well?” He asks because, fuck, his mum hadn’t been wrong. Sirius was just on the wrong side of skinny. He was tall and lanky, and James was sure that if Sirius took off all those stupid layers, he’d find nothing but skin and bones, not a single centimeter of chub anywhere. James was sure as hell not going to let Sirius starve to death, not on his watch. He may not yet like the fact that Sirius is staying with them, but he can’t help but feel a need to care for Sirius, even just by buying him snacks or more clothes.

“I don’t know what snacks you have here but I’m sure they’re shit.”

“Oh, so you can curse?” James is genuinely surprised, though he plays it off in a teasing way.

Sirius snorts and crosses his arms over his chest as they walk, “Don’t believe even for a second that I’m some posh asshole.”

“I just wasn’t sure you knew how to say more than two words.”

“And exactly how many words can you say in French?”

And, well, Sirius did have a point, “Uh, Bonjour?” He tries to recall as much of the French as he could form that one time his mum and dad had taken him to France for summer break and that one time one of the other French exchange students had taught him and a few others some words. He doesn’t come up with much though.

“That’s horrible. I’ll teach you more.”

“Even curses?”

“Especially curses.”

James can feel his heart expanding, “A man of my taste, then.”

Sirius laughs again and it’s that beautiful airy laughter that sounds like wind rustling through leaves on a hot summer day and James decides right then and there that it’s his favorite sound in the whole world.

“Come on, we can get you crisps and wine gums and fruit pastilles and all the good crap.”

“I have no idea what all of that is.”

“Well, prepare to have your mind blown.”

James leads him to a small corner store at the end of the main street. It’s always open, the guy who owns it is half asleep most of the time though. Sirius looks at the snacks and food in wonder and a little bit confused at some. James explains any that Sirius doesn’t understand and then sneakily grabs the ones that Sirius’ eyes linger on. He asks Sirius several times which ones he wants but the latter just shrugs and says he’s fine. He most definitely is not. In a way, James can’t help but feel that Sirius is afraid to take anything, to show interest in anything. Any time James sees Sirius’ eyes linger on anything Sirius immediately looks away and acts like he never even looked at it. James feels his hatred for Sirius break away a little more every time Sirius looks at one of the shelves sadly and then turns away stalking in the other direction, shoulders tense with fake pride.  
True to his word James buys enough snacks to last at least a month and then some (he ends up paying a little out of his own pocket, though he’d never tell that to anyone). Sirius seems intrigued by all of them and promises to try every single one. James feels very accomplished by the end of it and only almost forgets to buy the fries as well. It’d be a shame if the whole trip ended up being for nothing.

When they return Euphemia is already cooking the steak and getting started on the beans. Sirius immediately goes to help her, though not before asking several times whether it’s alright. Euphemia reassures him that it is very much alright and to stop worrying and finally get on opening the pack of fries. She then has James chop up the salad to go with the meal. When Fleamont joins them a little later he too gets assigned to cutting up tomatoes for the salad. He grumbles momentarily but then joins James at the counter. It’s the first time they’ve cooked together like this. Sure, James sometimes helps his mum and Fleamont will usually sit in the kitchen getting some work done with Euphemia cooks, but they never actively cook together. It’s… sort of nice actually, James admits to himself. Plus, watching Sirius giggle and laugh every time Euphemia tells him something about the people in the neighborhood is also pleasant. Fleamont catches him looking at Sirius a few times and James sincerely hopes that his dad doesn’t jump to any conclusions. James is simply trying to gauge Sirius and make sure he’s not a complete prick (at least he tells himself that).

Euphemia sets the food down on the table and has Sirius sit next to James. Once they’re all seated, she begins giving everyone their food. She’s never done this before, though James suspects it’s because of Sirius. If it were up to Sirius, he’d probably take half a steak and three fries and say he’s good. A blatant lie. Euphemia piles the most food on his plate and when he tries to argue she claims that he must be hungry from all the travelling and stress of being in a foreign country. James thinks Sirius’ look of utter confusion is adorable. Not that he lets himself linger on that thought particularly long.

“So, Sirius, are you already sorted?” Fleamont asks, nursing a glass of red wine.

“Uh, no, sir. I haven’t been told yet how that works.”

Fleamont makes a face at Sirius’ use of ‘sir’, but elects to ignore it, “Well, then I’ll write to Dumbledore tomorrow and we’ll get it all sorted.”

“There’s no need, really, I’ll just figure it out by myself. I don’t want you to go through any trouble.”

“Absolutely not! You’re our responsibly now, let us do that for you.” Fleamont says happily, “James, why don’t you explain how the sorting works, then?”  
James’ head snaps up from where he’d been playing with his food, pointedly not taking part I the conversation. He was still trying to keep up the appearance of hating Sirius,

“Huh?” He asks dumbly and Euphemia shoots him a look, “Right. There’re four houses that you can be sorted into. Depending which one you get, that’s who you have classes with and what dorm you’re staying in,” He explains, “I’m in Gryffindor, the best house. It’s for the brave and cool ones. Then there’s Ravenclaw, those are the smart nerds, Hufflepuff is the nice ones and Slytherin,” he pauses for a second trying to find the right words to describe Slytherin, “They’re the assholes.”

“James!” Euphemia shrieks.

“Right. They’re not all assholes, some of them are ok. It’s just a lot of them are entitled purebloods.”

Fleamont sighs, “Don’t listen to him, Sirius. Slytherin is for the ambitious and cunning. There is no good or bad house.”

“Absolutely,” Euphemia agrees, “It doesn’t matter which house you end up in, you’ll fit in all of them, I’m sure.”

They both look expectantly at James and it takes him a second to understand what’s going on, “Right. If you end up in Slytherin, I guess I won’t hate you. You’ll still be cool, probably.”

Sirius seems not at all reassured and gingerly looks down at his half-eaten dinner, “My parents want me to go into Slytherin. They say they are the only true house and I have to be in it because all the other houses are blood traitors.” He whispers more to himself than the others.

“Oh, nonsense.” Euphemia reassures him, “All houses are great! They have nothing to do with your blood status. You can be in all of them, you’re still a good kid.”

Sirius smiles at her softly and nods. Suddenly, James understands Sirius drawn-back and down-right afraid behavior. Sirius was deeply afraid of what his parents will think, no matter what he does. Sirius is afraid of his own parents. It shouldn’t surprise James, with what Euphemia has told him but he can’t help himself. Can’t help but feel pity for the boy next to him who looks so small and fragile in that baby blue suit.

“We’ll know more tomorrow.” Fleamont says eventually, “Until then, James have you thought of anything to do with Sirius? Maybe show him around a little?”  
James glares at his father. Just because he may not hate Sirius anymore doesn’t mean he’s on board with playing shepherd for the guy, “No not yet. I suppose we could go to Diagon Alley, show him around a little bit. Maybe get him an animal.”

“Animal?” Sirius asks.

James wants to roll his eyes, did no one tell Sirius anything? “We all have animals in school. You don’t have that at Beauxbatons?”

“No. That would be insane, everything would be pure chaos.”

James laughs, “It’s going pretty well for us.”

“That sounds like a lovely idea, why don’t you get him his robes as well?” Euphemia asks then.

“Sure. We’ll pick up his books and scrolls and quills as well.”

“Scrolls? Quills? What do I need those for?”

“Writing?”

“Don’t you use notebooks?”

“That… actually makes a whole lot more sense.”

Sirius laughs then, a little cautiously and quieter than James would like, but still it’s laughter. James feels weirdly proud of himself.

That night he bids Sirius good night, after Euphemia makes absolutely sure that Sirius is comfortable, and then goes to his own room, finally a moment just for himself. That moment doesn’t last long though. Just as he lies down on his own bed, more exhausted than he thought he’d be, the fire in the fireplace across from his bed starts acting up. James sits up and moves to sit at the foot of his bed, directly in front of the fire. A few seconds alter and a little bit of flickering and Remus is staring at him, a smug smile plastered on his face.

“How’s the French lad?” He asks immediately.

James shrugs and gestures vaguely, “He’s okay, I guess.”

“You guess? James Potter do not tell me that you actually find him nice.”

“No! I still hate him and that he’s staying with us…”

“But?” Remus prompts.

“But… I don’t know. I feel sorry for him. The way he acts you’d think he’s afraid we’ll kill him if he moves wrong.”

“That bad, huh?”

“It’s like you in first year. He flinches every time mum says something loudly and he asks permission several times for everything.” He rambles, “And he’s so thin! I thought he’d be a spoiled brat who weighs like twice as much as I do and only eats frog legs and snails but no! I could probably fit my entire hand around his flimsy wrist, maybe even around his upper arm! There’s nothing! If he’s far enough down the hall I can barely see him he’s that tiny.”

“You sound awfully invested, for someone claiming that you hate him.”

“I’m just saying that objectively he looks two seconds away from death. At the shop he wouldn’t even touch any of the snacks. He only ate half his dinner!”

Remus’ expression tightens, “You should look out for him.”

“I will. Of course, I will.” He promises. They both know he really doesn’t hate Sirius. He hates the idea of him, but not Sirius himself, “He barely has any clothes, it’s like he packed as though he’d only be here for a week, maybe two,” He whispers quietly.

“James, what did your mum say?”

“She said to buy him snacks and then gave him extra food. I think she noticed as well. She has to have noticed.”

“I hope she did. That boy needs help.”

“I know.” James says, “I’m taking him to Diagon tomorrow, to get his robes and shit.”

“Is he already sorted, then?” Remus asks.

“No. His parents want him to be in Slytherin. They say the other houses are blood traitors.”

“Does he believe that as well?”

“No, I don’t think, at least. He seemed sad when he said it, like he was afraid he might not get into Slytherin. I don’t know.”

“Well, we’ll hang around him either way. I’m sure he’s a nice lad.”  
James nods vigorously, “He is, surprisingly. He jokes and teases and he promised to teach me French swears.”

“You’ll have to teach me then too. McGonagall will freak if she hears us.”

“I’m betting on it.”

They laugh and Remus tells James about his holidays so far. It’s been only two weeks, but James already can’t wait to get back to Hogwarts and see his friends again. Remus tells him about the internship his parents are making him do in the muggle-world and James tells Remus about all the pranks he’s planning to play when the new semester starts. They stay awake until late at night when Euphemia eventually knocks on James’ door and tells him to go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally got inspiration to write more for this after having to return home from my own exchange semester because of COVID-19 so now that I'm back home and not with my horrible host family anymore I guess I have more time now. I'll probably be living out my own canceled exchange through Sirius then.   
> Thanks for reading it means lot to me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't beta'd we die like me in this household especially when stressed and tired about ones exchange year that keeps getting worse.
> 
> Comments, Kudos etc are always very much appreciated btw thanks to anyone who read this!!!!

If Sirius in his suit was a sight to behold, then Sirius in the morning was on another level. James watches from his seat at the kitchen counter as Sirius lazily stumbles into the kitchen area. His hair is a right mess, standing up in all directions and framing his face in a mop of loose curls. His eyebrows scrunched together, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. James had been right, underneath all those clothes Sirius was a frail, tiny boy. He’s wearing a thin gray long sleeved shirt, its sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a pair of loos fitting joggers. His feet are bare, and he flinches every time he takes a step on the cold tile floor of the kitchen. James is now 100% sure he could easily fit his entire hand around Sirius’ upper arm, no questions asked.

Sirius drops into the seat next to James and immediately lays his head on the counter in front of him.

“You look knackered, mate.”

“I have no idea what any of that means.” Sirius says in his stupidly cute French accent, and damnit, why did his voice have to sound so nice in the morning?

“I said, you look tired.”

“That’s because I fucking am. It’s too early.”

“It’s almost 10 am.” James retorted.

“Well, yeah but I had like three hours of sleep.”

James laughs and can’t help himself but to tease Sirius, “You stay up all night wanking, then?”

Sirius smiles a little apologetically at him and tilts his head just right and James can feel his heart speeding up just a tiny bit, which it really shouldn’t, “I don’t understand that word.”

“Which one?”

“Wanking.” Sirius says and the way he tries to imitate the word, just like James said it, is the cutest thing ever. That mix of British with the ridiculous French accent does funny things to James’ stomach.

“Oh… right, uh,” James stumbles over his words, not quite sure how to explain it when Sirius is looking at him like that, “You know what, it’s not that important actually. It was just a bad joke, is all.”

Sirius shrugs, still half asleep and turns back to burying his head in his arms, “If you say so, James.”

“When do you wanna go shopping?” James asks, desperate to change to the topic.

“Whenever you like. I am not occupied today.”

“Alright, then, maybe in an hour? You can have some breakfast and then we’ll go?”

“Sure. If that’s alright with you.”

James sighs. As much as he finds Sirius constant need to be appropriate adorable, it’s not getting them anywhere, “Mate, if I offer it it’s fine. You have got to say what you want.”

“I do.”

“You do not. You say you don’t care and then go along with whatever’s going on.”

Sirius pouts, “I say what I want. I just really don’t care when we go.”

James shrugs and gets up from his seat, “Suit yourself, then. We’ll leave in an hour,” he says as he leaves, “Wear something that isn’t baby blue.” He the ads as an afterthought.

Sirius snorts and nods. James runs up the stairs to his room as fast as humanly possible, desperate to get out of there. He contemplates calling Remus or Peter or anyone else, really to complain about Sirius. He decides against it and instead gets dressed and tries to squeeze in a power nap. He ends up barely falling asleep when the alarm he’d set goes off. Begrudgingly he rolls off of his bed. He doesn’t look particularly great but also not horrible, and really, they’re going Diagon Alley, not a fancy restaurant. It doesn’t matter what he looks like as long as it’s presentable. Sure, his mum would probably kill him if he went out like that, but she didn’t need to know that. If James is lucky then his mum will never know. Maybe he’ll even meet someone from school while shopping, then he could ditch Sirius and hang out with his actual friends, James thinks. It would definitely be more fun than to babysit that French prick. Not that Sirius is actually all that horrible, it’s just that James doesn’t feel like being responsible for him all the time. Sirius can take care of himself for a little, right?

When James comes down again Sirius is waiting there, now properly dressed. A little too properly dressed, if you ask James. He’s wearing a black turtleneck, a blazer and a pair of fittingly black trousers along with very expensive looking shoes. He’s standing at the counter, leaning, staring at nothing in particular. He has a bored expression covering his face, and it makes James miss that smile Sirius had had on his face in the morning. Sirius’ hair is combed back, and his curls fall just past his chin. James wonder momentarily whether his hair is as soft as it looks, then immediately reprimands himself. He is not thinking about Sirius that way. Absolutely not.

James suddenly feels very underdressed in his jacket and jeans.

“I know I said not to wear baby blue, but do you have to look like you’re going to someone’s funeral?”

Sirius at least has the sense to look mildly embarrassed, “I don’t have any other clothing.”

“We’ll fix that.” James says before he can stop himself. Sirius looks shocked for a second before he finally breaks out into that pretty smile, where his eyes crinkle and his cheeks dimple just the tiniest bit.

James insists that they use floo powder because he really doesn’t feel like taking the long way. Sirius goes along with it easily enough.

The face he makes when they arrive almost makes getting up early worth it. Sirius’ eyes are huge, and his mouth is slightly agape as he takes in the environment around him. There are a lot of people in town and the streets are busy with vendors and people going about their day. Sirius begins fiddling with his hair nervously as they walk, tugging at it and running his hands through it over and over again. Eventually it loses the formerly gelled look, more relaxed now. It makes James feel a little less underdressed.

“You don’t have this in France?” James asks genuinely curious. Must be, since Sirius seems so surprised.

Sirius laughs lightly and shakes his head, “We do, it’s just… different, I guess.”

“Like how?”

“This is all very focused on the wizarding world. You have only shops here for wizarding needs.”

“So?”

“At home, we have normal clothing stores and all that. Some of my favorite stores are, what do you call them?” He fumbles over his words for a second then lights up, “Muggle stores.”

“I never thought about that. Which ones do you like best?” James asks before he can stop himself. He momentarily wonders since when he’s so interested in other people’s lives.

“There’s an old record shop I go to with my friends. The owner knows us and always lets us stay longer.” He grins, “My parents don’t know that I go there. They’d kill me if they did. They think muggles are the worst thing in the world. The only ones they accept are high-class ones like Chanel or Dior because they were founded by wizards” Sirius sounds far too serious for James’ liking and he finds himself developing a distaste for Sirius’ parents without ever having met them. He also finds himself a little confused because he has no idea what either of those stores are. He knows what a record shop is, has heard Remus talk about them often enough but never about Chanel or Dior. It’s not Remus’ scene and James’ doubts that anything with the descriptor ‘high-class’ is part of Remus’ usual vocabulary.

“So, you like muggle music then? I never really listen to that kind of stuff but some of my friends are into it.”

“I do, yeah. I think it’s better than all that wizard crap. Less stuck up and more fun.”

James snorts and holds open the door to Amanuensis Qills for Sirius. The store is dark and clammy, and James gets the things they need as quickly as humanly possible. He never liked it in there. Once they get out of there, they make a stop of Madame Malkin’s to get Sirius his robes. He spends the entire time complaining about the stupid design of the cloak and about how his own French uniforms are way better. James is inclined to agree, not just because the baby blue suit happens to be very form fitting and Sirius happens to have a very nice silhouette.

“Do you play Quidditch?” James asks as they stand in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies. It’s James’ favorite shop in Diagon Alley. He also momentarily hopes that it’s called the same in French otherwise this conversation might become very awkward if he has to explain every word.

“I do, yeah. It’s not too big in France, though. We play football more.”

“So, you play both, then?”

“Yes. My little brother plays more quidditch while. I like to stick with football. It drives my parents mad.” Sirius explains, “They don’t like that it’s a muggle sport. I think it makes it even more fun.”

“Do you have your quidditch gear with you?”

“No, I wasn’t planning on joining the Hogwarts team.”  
James scoffs and drags Sirius into the shop, “You have to try out when the year starts. We’re getting you gear. Do you have a broom?”

“Not here with me. It is back home.”

James sighs and looks through the brooms on display, eventually choosing a relatively cheap one that’s still high quality enough. He grabs it along with some padding, and a red Gryffindor jersey, simply because he can. He’s sure Sirius will end up in Gryffindor anyway, better be prepared. He drops all of it at the front, already pulling out his wallet.

“James, you can’t pay for that. Please, I don’t need it.”

“That’s a load of shite, and you know it. You need it, I’m not spending my summer break playing alone. You can pay me back some other time.”

“Are you sure? That’s going to be expensive and-…”

“Sirius, I promise it’s fine.” James says and he finds himself liking the way Sirius’ name sounds when he says it. Though, the name does sound too old and mature for someone like Sirius. James decides he’ll need a nickname or something. Sirius is not acceptable for a fifteen-year-old student.

“When we get back home, you’re teaching me football. I’ve never played before.”

Sirius mouth falls open again, “You’ve never played? Not even as a kid?”

James shakes his head, “No, my dad taught me quidditch when I was tiny so I never really had to play any other sport.”

“How could you not have played football?”

“It just never came up!”

Sirius snorts, “Do you not have any muggle friends who taught you?”

“I do, but none of them play football. Or any other sport for that matter.”

“Your friends sound boring.”

“They’re amazing! They’re just not into boring football matches.”

“But how could they not? Of course, the English teams are horrible but still. Have they no pride in their own country?”

“Oi! I’m sure our teams are great!”

Sirius shrugs and leans on the counter while James pays and shoves the things into a bag, “England won the world cup in 1966 against West-Germany. It was an interesting game I suppose. Still, French are better.”

“Well when did France win?” James asks both out of curiosity and pride in his own country. He may have no interest in Football but still. If England won something it must be good. Even more so if it gets Sirius to talk about something, he’s interested in.

“Not yet. The current team isn’t playing well.”

“See, we’re better.”

Sirius scoffs and grabs the bag from James as they leave, “We’ll see about that when I teach you.” James opens the door for him, and Sirius gives him a challenging smile, “Do you have gloves?”

“What the hell would I need gloves for in summer?”

“For football you idiot.” Sirius looks at him like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “The goalie has gloves to catch the ball. Have you never even seen a game?”

“No. I just assumed you play it with only your feet, so gloves seem stupid.”

Sirius makes a praying motion and looks up at the sky, “Lord help him he’s too stupid for his own good.”

The rest of their shopping goes rather well until James leads them to the magical Menagerie. Sirius stares at it in confusion and looks like he wants to ask what they’re doing at a pet shop but then thinks better of it.

Personally, James enjoys the Magical Menagerie. It’s a small open room with cages and shelves all over the walls. In the middle of it all is a tall counter with a young man sitting there. The room is dimly lit, the windows covered in cages letting in little light. It’s comforting in a sense. There’s a door to a back room with more animals.

“James, what exactly are we doing here?”

“We’re getting you a pet.”

“Yes, I got that but why?”

James shrugs, “You need one for Transfig. class. And a bunch of other stuff but mostly that.”

“Where do the pets go during the rest of the day? Who takes care of them? If everyone has a pet aren’t there hundreds of them?” Sirius asks, concern lacing his voice.

James stops in his tracks and turns to look at Sirius. He’d never actually thought of that. He doesn’t want to think about that, it brings up too many questions and topics he’d rather not answer.

“I don’t know. My owl usually stays at the owlery unless I need her or something.”

“You have an owl?”

“Yeah. I called her Martha.”

“You called your owl Martha? Why?”

“Why not?” James asks a grin slapped on his face, “Now take your pick. The general guidelines are toads, owls and cats but really the school doesn’t care. Pick whatever you want.”

“Anything at all?”

James nods and watches as Sirius wanders off to look at the pets. He pokes his hand into the cages and pets the animals as best as he can, giggling softly when they lick his finger. He stops in front of a brown and white ferret, petting it softly. The ferret hisses and tries to bite at Sirius’ finger. He pulls it back and laughs a little. The ferret seems to warm up a little and moves closer to Sirius trying to stick its tiny head through the cage. It sticks it out its tongue and licks at Sirius.

The man behind the counter stands next to Sirius and smiles gently, “She seems to like you. Feisty little thing, she is.”

“She does?” Sirius asks.

The man nods, “Yeah, wouldn’t let anyone pet her. She always bites. Seems to enjoy your petting though.”

“How old is she?”

“She’s one of the youngest here. We got her a few weeks ago. She’s just 2 years old.”

“What’s her name?”

“Voleuse.”

Sirius laughs loudly pulling his hand away from the cage. The ferret hisses and reaches out to him again.

James steps closer to them, “What’s so weird about that name?” He asks.

“You called her thief?” Sirius answers turning to the vendor.

The man shrugs, “I don’t know, mate. That’s what they called her when she came here. Said she’s from our partner shop in Paris.”  
Sirius chuckles once more and pets the animal again. He seems entranced with her. James takes this to mean that he’s made his choice.

“We’ll take her then.”

Sirius looks up at him in surprise and then at the vendor. The man nods and goes to the counter to get the paperwork ready. James follows behind to fill it out, so Sirius only has to sign it. He pulls out his wallet and drops enough money for the ferret any other supplies they’ll need on the counter.

“James, are you sure about this?”

“As sure as I’ll ever be about anything, mate.”

Sirius doesn’t seem convinced, but he doesn’t try to argue again, seemingly having learned his lesson when they bought the broomstick. The Vendor gives them a strange look when James is the one to pay but doesn’t mention it. James can’t see why it’d be weird. Sirius is here on an exchange year and probably only has francs anyway if they have muggle and wizarding shops mixed. James wouldn’t expect Sirius to have any Sickles or Galleons. It’s only natural that he pays, right? Sirius is his responsibility, after all.

When the paperwork is done, and Sirius signed everything they get a cage and some more supplies before getting out of there. The vendor wishes them a good day as they leave. Sirius has a skip in his step as he walks and a bright smile on his face. It’s endearing.

“why so excited, it’s just a ferret.”

Sirius looks deeply offended at that, “James, it’s more than that. My parents never let me have pets. They said they were dirty and disgusting.”

“That’s stupid. Pets are great.”

“I wish we’d had some. It would have been nice sometimes”

James never understood parents who didn’t want pets for their kids. If they could afford them and had the possibility to properly take care of them, then why not? James’ parents had gotten a cat shortly before he was born. He loved her to the end of the earth and more.

James’ mom is overjoyed when they return. She caps her hands and starts fussing over Sirius ferret, Voleuse he insists, immediately. She sets out a bowl of water in the kitchen and another bowl for food. She then insists that the cage isn’t necessary and that Voleuse should be able to move around freely. Sirius agrees with her wholeheartedly and soon enough there’s a ferret running around the house excitedly with Sirius and James running after her to keep her from knocking over any vases. Though, James has a feeling that mom wouldn’t be too cross if one of them broke. She’d take it in good fun, surely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized while writing this that a) It's never said what pets James or Sirius or any of the marauders had which is a tragedy and b) that I'm basically making the French wizarding world up as I go because JK Rowling didn't say anything about it
> 
> I also decided that Sirius should be into football because he's into muggle stuff and all that. It fit in my head so I'm sorry about eh awfully long conversation about football/soccer.
> 
> Lastly, I don't quite know yet what house I want Sirius to be in. Gryffindor would be obvious and all that but I thought Slytherin might be interesting as well? Sort of like James having to deal with his exchange student being in Slytherin and Sirius dealing with Snape and stuff? I don't know let me know what you'd like more!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? Outrageous, I know.
> 
> Thanks for all the feedback I got on the last one it really helped with figuring out what I had to add to show my thought process lol. I also got a pretty 50/50 response on the whole Slytherin vs Gryffindor debate so that was neat
> 
> thanks for all the love and support for this crap project!! it means a lot and I love everyone who comments or gives me kudos and stuff!!! it boosts my ego so thanks
> 
> It's like midnight right now so I didn't beta this have some mercy k thanks

They didn’t play football when they came back from Diagon Alley, too busy chasing Voleuse through the house and then it started raining and they decided they’d just play the next day. It’s summer break, they can do whatever they want they reasoned.

“What exactly do I need to play football?” James asks in the morning when they’re lounging on the sofa, waiting for it to get comfortably warm outside. “Is there like gear I need or something?”

“It’s called a kit. I have mine with me.” Sirius answers, “You don’t need anything really, just a ball and designated goal.”

“Do you have a ball?”

Sirius shakes his head pulls his wand out of his pant pocket. James watches as he leaves to get what seems to be an old sleep shirt. He sets it down on the coffee table and points his wand at it.

Euphemia and Fleamont look up from where they’re sitting on another sofa. Fleamont lowers his newspaper staring at the shirt skeptically. Euphemia has a soft smile on her face as she watches.

“You can’t turn that into a football. They have nothing in common.” Fleamont says cautiously. Sirius rolls his eyes and makes a quick motion with his wand. The shirt in front of them morphs until there’s a perfectly round leather ball sitting in front of them. Even with the black patches on it and all that.

“You shouldn’t be able to do that without speaking, much less with an item like that.” Fleamont says again.

“It’s an easy enough spell. You learn it on the playground with the other kids when you’re small. We do it all the time.”

“You transfigure shirts into footballs?” James asks.

“Anything, really. Can be a shirt, can be someone’s shoe or homework.”

James clasps his shoulder and looks him in his eyes seriously, “Mate, you have got to teach me that.”

Sirius laughs and nods his head in agreement, “Go get changed I want to play.”

“What’s the dress-code?”

“Not quidditch. Just trainers, shorts and jersey if you have one.”

“Do I have a jersey,” James mocks him, “Of course I have a jersey who do you think I am?”

“Someone who can’t play football?”

James doesn’t stick around to retort to that. He goes up to his room to find an adequate outfit. He has no idea what he’s supposed to be wearing. Jeans and a t-shirt clearly aren’t the way to go and Sirius description hadn’t really been all that useful either. He ends up choosing a pair of sporty shorts, old trainers he hasn’t used in years and his Quidditch jersey. That should do it right?

Somewhere deep in his mind, James hopes that Sirius will wear his full football kit. Not out of any selfish reasons, James just really wants to know what exactly counts as football clothing. At least, that’s what he tells himself. It’s not at all about seeing Sirius in athletic clothing about to annihilate James in a game of football. Absolutely not.

To be honest, when Sirius had told him to put on shorts, he’d be willing to argue. Who wears shorts in a sport where falling is a very real option? Seriously, it’s like wearing shorts in quidditch. You just don’t. It’s a stupid idea and James is very much against it.

What James definitely does not expect to be part of a football kit are the knee-high socks, studded shoes and, in James’ humble opinion, frankly tiny shorts.

Sirius is sitting downstairs on the sofa chatting aimlessly with James’ parents. He looks happy and relaxed and clearly took way less time to get ready. His hair is shoved into a messy bun, with several strands escaping. He’s wearing white shorts that reach his mid-thigh with a bold blue 8 printed on them. His jersey is not what James would call a Jersey. James’ quidditch one has no sleeves and is usually thrown over the rest of his gear, sort of more decoratively than anything else. Sirius’ jersey seems to be all he has. It’s a dark blue short sleeved shirt with white stripes and another 8 on the back, this time white. The collar at least is similar to James’, being V-neck. The only form of protection Sirius seems to have at all are shin-guards under his socks and that’s pretty much it. They’re small and James can’t imagine they protect him form much. His elbows and knees aren’t protected, and neither are his wrists and it’s driving James insane.

When Sirius spots him he smiles and grabs the ball from the table along with a pair of gloves it seems. James isn’t quite sure what they’re for.

His mom tells them to be back before dinner around six and his dad wishes them a lot of fun and tells them not to get hurt.

“So, where’s an empty lot of grass we can use?” Sirius asks when they step out of the house.

James leads them down the street, toward the playground where a smaller quidditch court is set up. Given that the quidditch goals are set up high in the air, the ground should be free enough for football.

Not many people are around given it’s a Monday morning and most people are at work and the ones who aren’t, are spending time with their kids at home. There’s a mom with her kid that James has seen once or twice before and an older lady sitting on a bench watching the birds.

The sun is already beating down on them brutally and James is less than excited to be playing in the sun. Still, the prospect of trying a new sport outweighs the bad. He knows that around 12pm most kids will come out of their house to play. He hopes none of them are keen on playing quidditch.

Sirius sets the ball down and looks around. He nods once approving of the field and then begins to stretch. James joins in, familiar with most of them and copying the ones he doesn’t know. Stretching doesn’t take too long, which James is glad for.

“Alright, so you’ll go in the goal first and I’ll shoot some shots at you, so you understand what’s going on.” Sirius commands. He points to the spot in front of the main goal used for quidditch. James walks over and Sirius follows, pressing the gloves in his hand.

“Don’t let the ball go into the sand part. If you do it’s a goal. You can touch the ball with your hands.”

“And what exactly are you doing?”

Sirius smirks and turns around leaving again. He moves toward the middle of the field and James watches, slightly nervous. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t do goalie. He’s a chaser, this isn’t what he does and besides being goalie in Quidditch has a very different description than the soccer one apparently does. Still, he crouches slightly and watches Sirius keenly. Not that that takes a lot of effort, it takes more to look away really.

Sirius bounces the ball up and down with his feet, essentially playing hacky sack with it, just a lot fancier. James isn’t sure whether there’s a special term for what Sirius is doing but he thinks there should be. He also thinks that it’s unfair that Sirius looks weirdly good like this. Bouncing and controlling the ball so easily, like he does it every day. Which, for all James’ knows might as well be the case.

When he saw that lanky, bored and arrogant looking boy at the train station he would have never expected to spend his free time with him playing football and genuinely having fun. Remus is going to make fun of him for this. He’ll never let James live it down. Neither will Lilly for that matter. She’s the worst. She was the one who originally told James that having an exchange student wouldn’t be so bad and telling her she was right would only boost her ego. No thank you, James is fine not telling her. At least for now.

James is very suddenly assaulted with a dull ache in his stomach. He looks down to find the football lying at his feet, his knees bent awkwardly. It takes him a second to understand that the ball hit him square in the stomach. He looks up to find Sirius grinning at him brightly.

“Keep your eyes on the ball, James!” He yells. James groans and flips him the bird which turns out to be harder than expected with the gloves he’s wearing. They’re meant for Sirius’ hands, which are decidedly a little bit smaller.

James tries to kick the ball back to Sirius and does a horrible job of it. He’s not used to using his feet to move a ball. The ball rolls a little bit and Sirius has to jog closer to get it. He dribbles and kicks the ball as hard as he possibly can. He shoots to the upper left next to James, hitting the sand ground behind him. James had tried to catch the ball he really did but Sirius had kicked it too far away for James to reach. This keeps going a few more times. Sirius kicks the ball as well as he can, and James misses it. He caught it once, but he suspects that that was because Sirius kicked it directly at him and James caught it with his stomach again.

“You have to throw yourself sometimes.”

“What?” James yells back, a little horrified at the thought of tossing himself at the ground like that with absolutely no protection. Sure, quidditch is a contact sport and can get pretty violent but at least it doesn’t involve throwing yourself at the ground with no protection.

Sirius laughs, “throw yourself to catch the ball. Here, we’ll switch.” He walks toward James and slaps his shoulder, “Your turn. Do your best.”

“I can’t be worse than you.” He jokes and Sirius laughs again.

“We’ll see. If you get in three out of ten, we’ll play quidditch tomorrow.” He says.

James visibly lights up at that. Not that football isn’t fun or anything, it’s just that he’s better at Quidditch.

He gets into position like Sirius did, with considerably less dribbling and ball bouncing but still. He shoots his first shot and it misses their designated goal area by a few meters. Sirius throws the ball back to him and counts down to nine. The next try doesn’t go better either. James manages to kick in the right direction, but Sirius catches it with ease.

At his fifth try James understands what Sirius meant with ‘throw yourself’. James kicks the ball into the same upper left corner that Sirius had. Sirius apparently sees this coming and quite literally throws himself to the edge of their ‘goal’, landing on the ground with a thud. The ball bounces off his hands and toward James.

“That does not look healthy.” James remarks when Sirius gets up, dusting himself.

Sirius shrugs, “It’s not too bad. I’ve had worse.”

“That was a pretty good shot though, if you ask me.”

“Sure, if you mean for a ten-year-old. My little brother can shoot better than you.”

“Heeeyyy!” James exclaims, getting in position again, “I’ll get those three goals!”

“We’ll see about that.”

He doesn’t get those three goals. He manages two, both of them without Sirius making it easy, but by the time all ten shots are over, it’s hopeless. Sirius claims to be a horrible goalie and that he’s better in his usual position, central midfielder (whatever that is meant to be). James doesn’t believe him.

They collapse together on the soft grass, both heaving for breath. James had been neglecting his training these past few weeks and Sirius it seems hasn’t been doing all that much sport either. James accios a water bottle from the sidelines and dumps it over both of them. They sit there together for a while, talking and laughing about nothing in particular. James tells Sirius about his friends at Hogwarts and the hijinks they get up to. In turn, Sirius tells him about Beaxbatons and all the fantastic and weird things there.

It feels strangely nice, to sit there in the middle of the field just talking. Not even joking around or teasing. Just talking and getting to know each other unintentionally. James learns that Sirius has a little brother called Regulus and a cousin called Bellatrix who Sirius claims is batshit insane. He learns that Sirius loves rock music and has an old leather jacket that he stole with his friends. Sirius tells him about the house he lives in and what living in France is like. He talks about the amazing food and the stupid thins his friends come up with when they’re bored. James is utterly fascinated and can’t help but give his all into the conversation, clinging on to every word like it’s the only thing he’ll ever hear.

Around 12 pm kids start coming from playdates and other obligations like lunch or chores, and onto the playground. A few of them, James recognizes. He’d been babysitting the year before to save up for a new quidditch kit. He’d also been teaching some of them quidditch recently. Two boys come running toward them with bright grins on their faces. They live down the street from James with their parents and grandma. The boys, Jake and Toby, are nice enough and James had been teaching them about quidditch before summer break.

“James! James!” Toby, the shorter one with slightly crooked teeth yells happily, “You’re here!”

Toby and Jake barrel into James, throwing him to the ground. He huffs and squeezes them momentarily. Sirius gives him a strange but happy look. The boys scramble off of James, grinning from ear to ear. When they notice Sirius, they look him up and down wearily.

“This is Sirius. He’s my exchange student. Remember, the one from France I was telling you about?” James explains. He ignores how right it feels to call Sirius his exchange student. It’s a stupid feeling and there’s no reason for it. Sirius isn’t his and there’s not point to like the feeling of saying it.

The boys light up in recognition and stick out their hand in greeting. Sirius shakes them cautiously. He doesn’t seem to be a fan of meeting new people.

“It’s nice to meet you Mister.” Jakes says, “Are you rally an asshole like James said?”

James chokes on air at that. He’d completely forgotten that he’d been ranting about his hatred for Sirius before the latter had arrived. Fuck.

“I did not say that he’s an asshole, lads.” He tries to fix it.

Toby looks at him strangely, “But you did. You said you didn’t want him to stay with you and that he’ll be an arrogant asshole.”

James wants to bury himself in the ground and never come out again. He steals a quick glance at Sirius to find him smiling.

“I like to think that I’m quite charming actually.”

The boys giggle, “Why are you wearing that?” Toby asks. Jake hits his shoulder.

“That’s a football kit you idiot.”

Sirius lights up, “See, James? Even the kids know what football is.”

“I knew what football was. I just never played.” He mumbles trying to defend himself. Sirius isn’t paying him any mind though, busy talking to Jake about the latest game.

In the end, Jake and Sirius somehow convince James and toby to play football with them. What they’d been doing earlier, just Sirius and James hadn’t really counted as football. This, though? This James can get behind. It seems a lot of fun.

That evening James calls Lilly. She had given him her home phone number after his dad had finally installed one since some of his clients live in the muggle world.

She picks up on the third ring with a groan and a scolding on her lips for calling so late. James stops her before she can even start.

“I have a problem.”

“Don’t you always though?”

James elects to ignore that jab in favor of continuing on with his issues, “It’s Sirius.”

“Did he turn out to be like you thought he would?”

“No. That’s the problem.”

“I don’t see how him being a nice guy is an issue…?” Her voice is confused, and James has to admit she has a point. He knows that rationally. Just not emotionally.

“He’s just… he’s like so perfect? You know what I mean?”

“No, actually, I haven’t met him.”

James groans and sits down in the chair by the phone. He wishes he could take it to his room and spill his heart to her with more privacy. As it is though, this will have to suffice.

“He’s really polite and sweet and he taught me how to play football. Did you know he looks really good in his uniform? It’s not fair. It’s an ugly basic uniform but he makes it look good.”

Lilly makes a sound like she wants to say something, but James won’t let her.

“And he’s so thin! He shouldn’t be so thin! Every time he talks about his parents, I want to hit him and hold him and I just- I hate him.”

“Okay, James, what the fuck? You just explained to me in great detail how amazing he is and now you say you hate him?”

“I don’t know. If I admit that he’s nice then that means I was wrong, and my parents were right and then that means that I actually enjoy hanging out with Sirius and I can’t have that.”

“Why? What’s so wrong with enjoying his company?”  
James hates that she’s asking sensible questions that make sense and really he should have thought of them himself.

“I don’t know.”

“You want to know what I think?” She asks her voice very matter of fact.

James hums in approval and she huffs, “I think that you need to get over yourself and admit that he’s not horrible. Being wrong isn’t bad sometimes.”

“His parents want him to be in Slytherin.” James says completely ignoring what she just said. Lilly was right and James was not ready to think about that yet.

When he’d bought that Gryffindor jersey he hadn’t even thought twice. He’d just decided that anyone who was friends with James had to be in Gryffindor. Anything else doesn’t make sense, right? There it is again, thinking of Sirius as his friend. They’d barely known each other for more than a few days. Three to be exact actually and James is already having a crisis over him.

“So? Slytherins aren’t bad.”

James scoffs, “Yes, they are. They’re a bunch of purist death eaters who think anyone who even looks muggle deserves to die.”

“Not all of them.” She says.

“Enough of them though.”

“But you know that Sirius isn’t one of them. He’s fine. So, if he ends up in Slytherin he’s just one of the exceptions.”

“But what if he changes? What if, at the start of the year, he decides that the Slytherins are right?”

Lilly sighs on the other end of the line, “James, what is this really about?”

He really doesn’t want to tell her. Not only because, he doesn’t really know what’s going on himself, but also because his friendship with Lilly was just starting to get better. They became friends once James got over his stupid crush on her. Which really, it was less of a crush and more of an idealization. He’d seen her and thought she was pretty and then decided that since he was good looking, they had to be together. She was smart and so was he, so they’d make the perfect couple. They’d be the picture-perfect couple one day. He’d be headboy, she’d be headgirl and then one day they’d get married, have kids and be the perfect family just like he always imagined he would. But then he’d gotten to know Lilly and realized that she wasn’t that fantasy. She was brash and friends with Snape and took no shit form anyone. She was someone James could see himself being friends with, actually talking to and getting to know. He found out that she wanted to have a life after school and that she wasn’t sure yet whether she wanted kids. James realized that she was a real person and not just his image of a perfect girlfriend. The crush had gone away soon enough and had been replaced with a deep affection for her on a more friendly level. He wanted to tease her about her crushes and bully her into asking that cute boy to the Yule Ball. He wanted to watch her fall in love and be happy for her the same way he was happy for Frank and Alice.

“He makes me feel weird and I don’t understand it.”

“What does he make you feel?” She asks, completely understanding not even a trace of teasing in her voice. This is why James loves her. She accepts him the way he is and knocks some sense into him when he’s being stupid. Like right now.

“I don’t know. Like, I really like when he smiles, and I think it’s really pretty and he should do it a lot more. And his football uniform looks unfairly good on him. And he’s so fun to talk to. Did you know, he once snuck into town during school hours and got shitfaced with his friends at a movie theater? He’s so interesting too. And he won’t take any of my shit.”

“Sounds to me like you have a crush.”  
James almost chokes on his own spit, “No I don’t. I don’t like blokes.”

“Well I can’t think of anything else, mate. You sound like the way you talked about me.”

“That was different.”

“How?”

“It just was. I don’t like blokes and I don’t have a crush on Sirius that’s stupid.” James whisper-screams into the receiver. He looks around just to be sure that Sirius and his parents aren’t there to spy on him.

“Look, James. Why don’t you just go to bed, sleep on it and we can talk again tomorrow? Maybe I can come over for lunch, meet Sirius and see what this is all about?”

“Please. Just don’t tell Remus and Peter about this. They’ll freak.”

“I won’t promise.”

“Thank you.”

He can practically hear Lilly smile when she answers, “Now go to be, James. It’s fucking 2 in the morning.”

He wishes her a good night and hangs up the phone. This is ridiculous. James does not have a crush on Sirius. He’s just having to accept that Sirius isn’t what he initially thought. That’s all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got my shit together and actually wrote something, surprise, surprise. 
> 
> I'm so sorry about my crap characterization of James and Sirius lol Idk how to write them
> 
> I'm also sorry about eh inordinate amount of football in this I couldn't help myself I just thought it'd be fun for Sirius to teach James since he's a pure-blood and all that
> 
> Also, I just remembered, but please ignore my horrid English it's not my first language, far from it actually so yeah sorry (I'm also Dyslexic so have a little love for my crap spelling ok I do my best)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is little shorter than the last few, and there's a lot of hopeless pining so i'm sorry about that i'll tone it down next time lol  
> (It's also very dialogue heavy so like sorry this chapter in general is not my best work i promise)

Lily arrives at exactly 11:55, just in time for lunch. She rings the bell and James nearly trips over air in his haste to open the door for her. When he does she gives him a tight smile and then immediately pushes past him into the house. Euphemia greets her where she's setting the table, while Fleamont is reading the newspaper. Sirius is in his room. He'd excused himself earlier, saying he needed to call his brother.   
James drags Lily upstairs to his room and locks the door behind them for good measure. Lily rolls her eyes at him and drops on his bed.

"So, do tell what you woke me up for at 2 in the fucking morning today." She says in lieu of greeting.

James sighs, "You already know. Don't make me repeat what I said."

"But I'm not making you do anything," She shrugs innocently, "You said Sirius isn't so bad after all, what's all the fuss then?"

"He's too nice! No one in their right mind can be like that! He didn't even take the piss at me when I called him an arsehole right to his face!"

"You did what now?" Lily raises her eyebrow.

"I was talking to Toby and Jake, you know the boys I teach quidditch to?" He says, "Well, I told them that I don't want Sirius to stay with us because he'll be a massive prick and I won't like him."

"So?"

"So, they repeated that right in front of Sirius." He exclaims, "Now he'll hate me!"

"Did he actually say that? Like did he get angry at you?"

"Well, no. But I know he's pissed. I would be too if someone said that about me."

"That's because you get pissed at everyone who doesn't love you." Lily retorts.

"That is so not true! I'm perfectly mannered and nice!"

"I didn't say you are. All I'm saying is that you don't know that Sirius will hate you. What did he say when they said that?"

James sits on the floor, fidgeting with his shirt awkwardly, "He said that he likes to think he's quite charming."

"See, so he didn't take offense!"

"But you don't know that!"

"Neither do you," Lily argues. 

James sighs and smooths out his shirt again, "Look, I just don't know what to do. He's nice and he's cool and I like it when he smiles and I hate that I like it and it feels wrong and gross."

"But it isn't. If you like him, which I'm not saying you do, then that's alright. You can't control this kind of stuff."

"It's not alright. It's not right. I've only ever liked birds, you can't just expect me to be okay with suddenly fancying blokes!" He nearly yells but catches himself before he does. Sirius' room is right next to his. The walls are thin and if James is too loud this whole secret conversation won't be so secret after all.

"Maybe you just like Sirius specifically. You say he's nice and good looking. Why wouldn't you like him?"

"Because he's a bloke, Lily we've been over this."

Lily sighs, "Look, James, I love you like a brother but sometimes you can be so fucking thick it's not even funny anymore."

"I don't understand."

"You're acting like maybe fancying Sirius is the end of the world like you'll die if it comes true. Whether you like him or don't you should get your head out of your arse."

"I don't have my head up my arse!"

Lily gives him a look and James is saved from another lecture by his mother yelling for them to come down for lunch. James gives Lily a sharp look that he hopes she understands as 'do not mention this to anyone, least of all Sirius', even though he knows it's not necessary. If it were Peter or Remus, he'd have to be worried about them slyly trying to play something but this is Lily. good-natured, no-shit-taking Lily who'd rather watch James burn in his own mistakes than do something he asked her not to do. She's good like that.   
Euphemia made sandwiches with some extra snacks. Sirius eyes them a little awkwardly and looks like he'll throw up when he spots some Yorkshire pudding on the table. He seats himself where he usually does. James sits next to him, opposite his parents. Lily takes the seat at the head of the table. Usually, she'd be sitting next to James, but it's a special occasion.

"I'm Lily, a friend from school." She introduces herself to Sirius. She reaches out a hand across the table and Sirius takes it shaking it. He puts on that same smile James saw him make at the train station. Fake and polite, like the ones they teach you in school plays.

"Sirius Black. It's nice to meet you." He says.

"Have you already been sorted?" 

"No, not yet. What house are you in?" He asks politely.

"Gryffindor with James and most of his other friends." She smiles and begins shoveling food on her plate, "I'm sure you'll be sorted into the proper house. All of them are pretty cool." James can see how she physically strains to get it out. He knows her distaste for Slytherin and their constant bullying. Still, knowing what James told her, she does her best to make it seem like there is no wrong house, no wrong choice. 

"James has told me a lot about you. Only good things of course." Sirius says as thanks. James knows it's a lie, but it's a good one. If he didn't know that he's never even mentioned Lily, he might have believed it. His parents and Lily sure seem to believe it. The latter looks absolutely enamored with Sirius.

"Really?" She turns to James, a wicked smile on her face, "I didn't know he was capable of saying anything nice."

"He is when speaking about someone quite as charming as you."

Lily goes bright red and turns to James and says in a horrible stage whisper that is very much meant for Sirius to hear, "He's a keeper that's for sure. Why didn't you introduce us earlier?"  
Sirius chuckles and there's a tint of red on his cheeks. It looks very cute.

"For this exact reason." James mumbles. He's starting to like this conversation less and less as it goes on.

"Have you already met James' other friend?" She asks completely ignoring James' earlier comment.

"No, not yet. He won't let me."

"They're horrible, sometimes I wonder how they survive without supervision." Lily jokes.

Sirius laughs, "Surely if you associate with them, they can't be that horrible. I don't believe someone like you has such bad taste."

"I don't but James does." She makes a face then shakes her head, "Then again, his friends are better than James. You'll ditch him and hang out with us instead."

James knows what she's doing. She's always been good at this. She's making conversation specifically about James not only to force Sirius to talk about him but also to force James to consider Sirius more. She's forcing James to think about what he wants Sirius's opinion of him to be. He doesn't like the conclusion he comes to. He especially also doesn't like that she's making him listen to their stupid flirting. Well, actually, more like Sirius' flirting. He seems to be a natural at it. It makes James wonder what it would feel like to have it directed at him for a change for a split second. he banishes the thought the second it enters his mind. Absolutely not. This is not happening. Lily and Sirius can flirt as much as they want, they can shag for all he cares and get married the next day. He tells himself, though, deep down, he knows he'd care. 

"Have you been to the muggle world yet?" Lily asks just as James elects to pay attention to their conversation again. His parents seem to be having one of their own as well. James feels like the odd one out.

"No, not yet. At least not the English one."

"You go a lot in France?"

"They're very interwoven, I think. It's unusual how split it is here."

They continue on like that and Jame sis surprised that Sirius is smart. Like actually, genuinely smart. Not just book smart but overall intelligent. He speaks eloquently (maybe also because James' parents are present), and laughs at Lily's nerdy jokes that no one except for Remus ever understands. It's a mystery to James, how someone can look so arrogant and posh, yet exude that bad-boy looks while also being the smartest person James has met in a while. It makes him a little afraid that maybe, just maybe, Sirius won't be Gryffindor after all. That, maybe, all that cunning, the flirting, the ambition, and the easy-going calculation will get him landed in Slytherin. And then what? James can't associate with a Slytherin, much less hang out with him and least of all date him. No, no, hold on. That last one is not a criterion. Dating Sirius is out of the question. It's so far out of the question pool it's not even in the same fucking experiment anymore.   
Still, the idea of Sirius possibly being in Slytherin makes James very, very uncomfortable. It makes it all feel even more wrong. This whole thing feels very off. Like, any minute, a clown will jump out of nowhere and scare James, declare it all a joke, and tell him that Sirius is a figment of his imagination.

"You should come to Diagon with us on Saturday. Marleen, Alice, and I were gonna go next week." Lily says suddenly.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind?"

"Oi, get your own exchange student!" James says, aiming for joking. Sirius may belive it, judging by the chuckle he lets out, but Lily certainly sees through him.

"I would, but they don't send them into the muggle world." She retorts, "Now, what do you say? Lurk around Diagon for a while, go shopping a little all that fun stuff?"

Sirius looks to James, as though he needs permission. James nods painstakingly, "Yeah, sure, I'll just have Remus come over or summat."

Next Sirius looks to James' parents who are fully engrossed in their own conversation. "Don't worry about them, they won't mind. They never do, especially if Lily is involved." James says.

"Great, so we'll pick you up here then. I'll drop Remus off and then Sirius comes with us. You guys can do whatever it is you do."

"Hey!" James defends, "We do fun things too! Just because you're not into quidditch doesn't mean it isn't fun."

"The only fun thing you've ever done was when Remus dragged you out to London and you embarrassed yourselves there."

"You are the worst friend ever."

Lily smiles sweetly at him. Lunch goes relatively easy from there. James steers the conversation more toward the Quidditch game that was on and is thankful when Sirius stops flirting. James can't tell whether he's doing it on purpose or whether that's just what Sirius is like around girls. He's not sure which answer he likes more.  
James walks Lily to the door after lunch. He'd asked her to stay longer but she declined, saying she had to go home and get some stuff sorted out if she wanted to be allowed to go out on the weekend. 

"You didn't tell me he was that fit," Lily says when they're standing outside in the driveway.

"I did tell you that. I told you that several times."

"Yeah, but I figured you were doing that thing that blokes do where you say a guy is fit but really he's just athletic."

"You calling me an idiot now?"

She laughs and pats his shoulder, "James, stop being an idiot. When I go out with Sirius, you're going to have a talk with Remus, got it?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Fine, then you won't mind at all if I make a move on him?"

"Lily!" He groans. She knows that he'll mind.

She smiles triumphantly, "Don't do anything stupid until Saturday, yeah?"

"Love you too, Lily."  
She nods, satisfied, and pulls him into a firm hug. Then she's gone down the street. James watches as she leaves and then turns back into the house. Sirius is helping Euphemia load the dishwasher while Fleamont already left for his office. The door is closed which means that soon enough smoke will be coming out and Fleamont will declare his new potion a failure. 

Sirius looks up when James enters and smiles, "Lily seems very nice."

"She is. Without her I'd be dead."

"So, are you two...?" He asks.

Jame shakes his head immediately, "No, no we're not. How'd you get that idea?"

"You kept staring at her during lunch. I'm sorry, I just figured, you know."

"It's fine, really. But we're not together. I don't think she could endure me and my antics that long."

Sirius hums and leans against the counter, "I don't think you're so bad. I'm sure you're bearable."

"That makes one of us," James mutters and Sirius looks at him with that look that he had on his face when James made the horrible dick joke. 

"I don't understand?" He asks.

"It's nothing, just a manner of speech really."  
Sirius nods and goes back to helping Euphemia. This will be the longest summer break of James' life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, yes, hello, I'm back and I still don't know how to spell and I also don't know how to plan a chapter properly but here we are  
> thanks to everyone who keeps reading this thing it means a lot and im glad that you're enjoying it (i'm assuming you do given you're still here so like yknow)  
> also im not english, far from it, and english isn't my first language so if i get any slang wrong im v sorry pls dont kill me k thanks
> 
> in better news, come yell at me on tumblr i need friends and ppl to speak to  
> https://it-is-i-your-local-bitch.tumblr.com/


	6. Saturday Lunch Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye I updated again who would'Ve thought. I meant to update much much sooner, but my laptop broke so I couldn't write. Also school started again and there's just a lot going on.
> 
> I made a poll because I'm still not sure what house to put into Sirius in and I'd appreciate it so so much if you voted: 
> 
> http://www.strawpoll.me/20967576
> 
> Anyway, not Beta'd as usual we die like dyslexics in this house
> 
> This is the first (I think) proper chapter written from Sirius' perspective, I hope I wrote him well and in character I did my best!!!

Saturday comes sooner than either of them would have liked. In fact, when Sirius looks at the clock on his bedside table that morning he nearly falls out of bed in surprise. He’d thought he’d have at least another day to prepare.

He gets out of his too soft bed painstakingly and wishes for another hour or so to sleep. As it is though, Lily said she’d pick him up.

One look in the mirror is enough to wake him up. He stares back at himself and sees a ghost. His cheeks are sunken in and his eyes have deep bags under them. His hair doesn’t look as shiny as it did once upon a time. He remembers times, years ago when he’d been no older than maybe eight, when he’d looked truly alive. When his skin hadn’t been the colour of porcelain and his hair hadn’t looked matte or even fallen out. Days when he’d stepped on the scale and hadn’t hated what he saw, when he’d bought clothes that fit, and his bones hadn’t been made of glass. Sometimes he thinks he can still see traces of it in himself. Some nights when he lies awake at night, numb from the pain he thinks that’s what it must feel like to be whole. To not feel at all. The feeling doesn’t last long and soon enough his wrists ache and he has to cast spells on himself to be able to sleep. Sometimes he wonders whether those days long ago when he still felt fine ever existed or whether he made them up.

The mirror tells him that he made them up. Sirius doubts someone who looks like him could have ever appeared normal. Could have ever been anything but a frail, scared boy in a too loose uniform and a too heavy wand.

He shifts around, trying desperately to find an angle at which he doesn’t look seconds away from death. He doesn’t find one. No matter how much he twists and turns and prods, there’s nothing he can do. His hips jut out and his wrists are too thin. His collarbones separate his mind from his body. Like knives cutting into him.

Sirius throws a glance at the perfectly folded light blue suit hanging in his closet. Wearing it would cover it all. If anyone asked about his paleness, he could say it’s just the colour of his suit, it would cover his thin arms and legs and the hat could cover his hair. But it’s a uniform and wearing it to hang out in town would be strange. It would be suspicious, and Sirius doesn’t do suspicious. He does happy and mysterious but not suspicious. Suspicious children get beaten and Sirius doesn’t get beaten. He’s behaved and he tells no lies.

So, the suit is a no.

The rest of his clothes are the same. Just darker. Variations of black and grey suits with turtlenecks and button downs. Leather shoes and gold watches. All too expensive for Diagon Alley. He’d stand out like a sore thumb.

Sirius bites down a sigh and resolves himself to asking James for clothes, just as he spots the stray item, he’d snuck with him to England. An old black leather jacket with patches and safety pins. He’d bought it with his friends back home, had smuggled it past his mother and shoved it under the floorboards in his room when he’d returned for the summer. He’d had Regulus promise not to tell. At night he’d pull it out and stare at it, hope for a time where he would be free to wear it. A day where his mother wouldn’t reign over him with an iron fist. He wouldn’t dare put it on. If he did, he thinks he might have liked it too much and never been able to take it off again. Now though, his mother isn’t here. She’s across the ocean, sitting in a villa in south France. She’s not here to monitor him.

With a deep breath he pulls the jacket from his suitcase and lays it on his bed. It’s ugly and it won’t fit properly but it’s something.

Quickly he shoves off his pajamas and pulls on the most casual dress trousers he can find and a button down. It looks too formal for a leather jacket but it’s the most casual thing he can piece together at the moment. When he shrugs on the jacket, he has to look twice to recognize himself. The Sirius isn’t the one who stands for a family portrait and smiles for the cameras. It’s the one he’d always wanted to be but had been too afraid to be.

A loud knock shakes him from his thoughts.

“Lily is downstairs to pick you up.” James call through the door.

“I’ll be down in a second,” He calls back.

As James’ footsteps retreat reality crashes down on him. He looks back at himself in the mirror and almost laughs. The Sirius he sees is a joke. The jacket doesn’t fit him, and it never will. It’s a stupid fantasy he’d made up for himself. He can already hear his mother laughing at him, telling him she was right all along. Sirius will never be anything but the well-mannered son she created. He’s nothing more than a painting his mother painted in her image. He’ll never be more.

With a weak chuckle he pulls off the jacket again. What was he thinking in the first place? The blazer fits him way better anyway. The jacket will never fit him.

* * *

Lily is waiting downstairs. Next to her is a boy in a sweater vest, grey pants and a cardigan. He has scars all over his face and his hair is ruffled more than a bit. He and Lily are caught up deeply in whatever they're speaking about. She looks up when she hears Sirius come downstairs. Lily looks him up and down and then chuckles.

“You didn’t have to dress up; we’re not going anywhere fancy.”

“I just felt like it.” He lies, “I had to look nice for you right?”

Lily goes slightly red and shakes her head, “Of course.” She gestures to the boy next to her and smiles, “This is Remus, the friend we were talking about the other day.”  
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Sirius, James’ exchange student.”  
Remus eyes him curiously and only shakes his extended hand after a few seconds of consideration, “Cheers.” He mumbles. He looks Sirius up and down a few times and only releases his hand after another firm shake. Sirius thinks Remus might be more of a problem than expected. He's known him for ten seconds and already Remus looks like he’s figured everything about Sirius out. It’s a terrifying thought. Sirius withdraws his hand and shoves it as deep into his pocket as it goes. He squares his shoulders and lifts his chin. His mother taught him to do so whenever he felt insecure. It was the perfect cover. The perfect way to brush everything off.

“We’ll be off then,” Lily says, “Tell James that we’ll drop Sirius off here in a bit.”

Before Remus can agree Lily has already pulled James out of the house and toward an old beat down car.

“That house can be suffocating sometimes.” She tells him as she opens the door to the driver's side, “It’s beautiful and big but it’s just too much sometimes. I like my house better. It’s a small thing with a backyard and a swing. You should come by some time.”

It takes Sirius a second to catch up with her, “I’d love to. If your parents are fine with it.”

“They will be, don’t worry. They’re always happy to have my friends over.”

“They sound lovely.”

Lily laughs and starts the car, “They are. What’s your house like? In france I mean.”

“It’s nice. We have a big house by a lake in the woods and a flat in Paris.” He tells her the practiced answer, “We usually go to the country house during summer break, but sometimes we stay if my father has to work.”

“Do you like Beauxbatons more or home?”

“Beauxbatons. My home is great, and I love my family a lot, but Beaxbatons is where my friends and bother are.” It physically hurts to get the words out but it’s a practiced hurt by now. He’s said it often enough to ignore the discomfort.

“Is it nice there? I heard it’s beautiful. We had a few students from there before, but they didn't talk much, just stayed in their own circles.”

“I like it. It’s a big manor with fountains and big rose gardens. And it’s close to the city, so we can always go during our lunch breaks.”

“That sounds amazing.” She says, “Hogwarts is kind of boring like that. We’re only allowed in town a few times a month and only with a permission slip usually. We still go but sneaking out can be a hassle sometimes. I’d rather just be allowed to.”

“I can imagine. Is it nice where you go?”

“We usually get butter beer and some lunch in town. It’s great, especially during winter.”

Sirius hums in agreement and the conversation goes from there. Lily asks question after question about anything that comes to mind. She asks about his friends; his subjects and what magic is like. She asks about spells and the shops there and whether he misses it yet and what made him want to come to Hogwarts for the last three years of his school life. He lies every step of the way and tells he what he knows she wants to hear. He tells her that his family writes him and that he misses them greatly. He says that he came to Hogwarts to improve his English and to experience the culture when really it was the easiest way to get away from his parents without running away. He laughs when she jokes, and he nods along with what she tells him. He likes listening to her a lot more than talking about himself. This is safe. Listening is safe, talking is dangerous.

She stops at a small family home in a street Sirius doesn’t know the name of. Lily leans back in her seat and honks the horn twice. Muffled cursing can be heard through an open window, and a loud clattering noise, loud yelling and a few mumbled goodbyes later, a beautiful blonde girl is running toward their car. Her hair is tied into a pretty bun and she’s wearing a pleated skirt and a yellow blouse. There’s a silvery hair band in her hair. She looks a bit like an angel.

The door opens behind Sirius and in steps the girl.

“Fucking hell, my mum is insane. I told her five times that I'm going out today and she still asks me where I’m going.” The girl says instantly, “You’d think she’d understand the first time.”

Lily snorts loudly and shakes her head, starting up the car once the girl closes the door, “Sirius, this is my absolute idiot of a best friend, Marlene.” Lily introduces glancing momentarily at Sirius, “Marlene, this is James’ exchange student, Sirius. The one we were talking about the other day.”

Marlene visibly lights up and reaches her hand around the car seat to offer it to Sirius, “Cheers, lovely to finally meet you. James talked about you a lot.”

Sirius takes her hand and squeezes a bit, “Nice to meet you too.”

Marlene seems satisfied with that answer and leans back in her seat again, “Is Alice already at Diagon? Or are we picking her up too?” She asks, “Seems a bit like a hassle, I reckon.”

“She says she’s waiting at the leaky cauldron. At least we agreed on that a few days ago.”

“Good. I don’t wanna sit in this car forever. It's awfully hot in here.”

Lily laughs and Sirius cracks a smile. He already likes her. Marlene seems like a great bit of fun.

The rest of the drive is filled with Marlene’s senseless ramblings and various complaints about one thing or the other. Lily answers in kind with appropriate gasps and sighs when needed. Sirius does his best to take part but it’s hard to understand Marlene when she speaks. She has a thick accent, and she speaks a mile a minute.

Lily parks her car in a pub parking lot half an hour later. She shoves the door shut behind her and Sirius follows her and Marlene in through the pub and to a back wall. Before he gets the chance to ask, Marlene is already tapping the wall with her fist all while telling Lily about one thing or the other that happened the other day. Sirius watches in amazement as the bricks open and reveal the entrance to a long windy street filled with people. Last time Sirius had been at Diagon Alley they’d used Floo Powder. Now, watching it all unfold in front of him he feels like a child at Christmas. The stores all look amazing and he can’t decide where he wants to go first. Last time he’d been too caught up in trying to follow behind James and understanding him, Sirius hadn’t even noticed the stores around him. Now though, he feels like it’s the first time.

Marlene and Lily weave their way through the crowds with ease, never stopping their conversation. Only occasionally mumbling a quite ‘sorry’ or ‘thank you’ to people as they shove past them. Marlene occasionally glances over her shoulder to check whether Sirius is still there.

They lead him to a big house with dark windows and people sitting outside of it, laughing loudly. ‘The leaky Cauldron’ it says on a big sign over the door. Lily pushes the door open easily and darts through the crowd to a table in the back by the window. There’s another girl sitting there. She’s also blonde but her hair falls over her shoulders to her mid-section. There’s a cup of coffee in front of her. She looks up when the three approach her table and moves to give a hug to both Marlene and Lily.

“I was starting to think you wouldn’t show up at all.” She tells them.

Lily laughs and introduces the girl as Alice. They sit with her and Lily orders a coffee for Sirius as they do.

“So, tell us what you think about James.” Marlene says after a while of chatting.

Sirius nearly chokes on his coffee, “Excuse me?”

Lily rolls her eyes, “God, stop being so uptight. I know you’re not that formal, James told me. Let lose, it’s only us.”  
 _Only us_ is an understatement. Sirius feels like he’s being interrogated.

“I think he’s nice. He was very kind to me when I first came.” Sirius finally tells them.

Alice laughs, “Right. That’s a lie. Come on, tell us the truth.” She says, “I haven’t seen him all summer, I need the gossip, Frank’s been bugging me about it all week. James' little group of idiots is the only interesting thing at Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts can’t be that boring.”

The girls all laugh, and Marlene shoves his shoulder lightly, “See, you do have some spunk in you. Now tell us.”

Sirius sighs, “I mean, there’s not a lot. He was kind of unwelcoming when they picked me up at the train station. But I really didn't expect anything else. After that he was nice.”

“I don’t believe that James can be nice for even a second.” Lily jokes.

Sirius chuckles, “No really, he bought me quidditch gear, my pet for school and a broom.”

Marlene’s jaw nearly hits the floor, “Mate, what the fuck. I know he’s the mother hen of his group but fuck I didn’t think he’d do that for just anyone.”

“I reckon Sirius isn’t just anyone though, is he?” Alice asks a mischievous glint in her eyes. Sirius doesn't know what to think of it.

Marlene snorts, “Oh he definitely isn’t. Did James do anything else? Any other noteworthy stuff?”

Sirius doesn’t understand why they’re so keen on finding out about James. He answers anyway.   
This feels normal. Sitting in a café or pub with friends and talking about nothing feels right. He likes this. Like sitting with people who like him.

“Not really. He helped me unpack my things and played football with me. Can you believe he didn't know how to play football?”

“He’s a sheltered rich kid, what did you expect?” Lily tells him, “Until he Remus he didn't even know what a telly was. Can you imagine?”

Sirius doesn't think it'd be smart to remind him that he, too, is a sheltered rich kid, so he says instead “Is it really that split here?”

Alice hums, “Aye. I s’pose that the muggles just wouldn’t understand if they saw all the magic.”

He doesn’t necessarily agree with that. After all, muggle born children learn and understand magic so why shouldn’t normal people as well. He doesn’t voice his thought though. He doesn’t dare disagree with anything.

Marlene seems to sense his discomfort with the topic and shuffles in her seat until everyone pays attention to her.

“So, I vote we get Sirius some new clothes.” She says decisively, “No offense, but these are dreadfully formal, and I can’t stand walking around with you wearing them. You need something less fancy.”

Lily stares at her for a second, clearly not done with the topic yet. Alice catches on quickly.

“Yes! We could go to Madame Malkin’s. I bet she has some nice clothes for you.”

“You really don’t have to. I have clothes and we can just do what you guys want.”

Marlene rolls her eyes, “Christ, loosen up Si. You sound like my grandma. It's not a good look.” She grabs her bag and slaps a few coins on the table, “Now get off your arse we have clothes to buy. James won’t even recognize you when you come back.”

“Yeah, Marlene’s right. You have got to stop being so fancy. With a face like that, suits don’t fit. We need to get more casual clothes to go with the shaggy hair.”

Lily hums in agreement but continues eyeing him strangely. Sirius tries not to think about it as the three girls pull him through the streets. He figures she’s just surprised by James’ kindness. That must be it.

Marlene stops in front of a big old house in squeezed in between two equally as pretty, old houses. It’s five stories tall and the windows are big and shiny. Through them, Sirius can see mannequins with beautiful clothes draped over them and more clothes lining shelves all the way to the fifth floor. There’s a big black and gold sign over the door that spells ‘Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions’. The letters are so shiny Sirius almost thinks they’re made of real gold. The small set of stairs leading up to the door is in between two perfectly cut rose bushes. It looks very nice. Sirius is kind of surprised.

“It looks different, I know.” Marlene says, “They renovated over the summer. It used to be an ugly brown house with dirty windows and ugly clothes. Now it’s actually worth going into.”

They open the door and Sirius is enveloped in the distinct smell of perfume and fabric. There’s cheerful piano music playing. It feels magical.

* * *

The girls have Sirius put on several outfits. The first few are close to what he usually wears. Button downs and polo shirts. That is, until Lily decides it’s still too uptight and brings over a white t shirt and khaki shorts. Sirius refuses the shorts and asks for a long-sleeved shirt instead. Lily rolls his eyes at him but complies bringing one. After that Marlen and Alice seem to get braver as well. They bring outfits ranging from button downs to tank tops. Sirius refuses anything that doesn’t cover his arms and legs. Lily eyes him strangely the entire time. He tries not to let it bother him. It gets harder the longer they stay.

After almost an hour of slipping in and out of outfits, Alice brings a leather jacket. Sirius instantly tries to refuse it, claiming it’s not his ting. The girls roll their eyes and push him into the changing stall with the jacket and a pair of tight-fitting jeans.

“I don’t know what they make you wear at Beauxbatons, but here we dress like normal people.” Lily calls after him as she pulls the curtains closed.

Sirius looks at the jacket in his hand and very seriously considers apparating out of there. Then he decides that he hasn’t practiced that often enough to try. Also, the girls would be suspicious. Sirius doesn’t do suspicious.

He slips off the plaid shirt they’d had him try and pulls on the jacket instead. When he looks in the mirror, he wants to rip it off again. He hates that he likes the way it looks. Marlen picked one that fits him, and it doesn’t look trashy either. It’s made of nice leather and there’re only a few patches on it, not enough to make it look rowdy. Even the belt has a nice metal clasp. When he looks at himself, he sees the boy from this morning. The one who felt like he could do this. Now looking at himself he’s beginning to realize that he can do this. His parents aren’t here. They won’t even know. The potters won’t tell and Sirius sure as hell won’t be sending more letters than necessary. So, buying the jacket and wearing it isn’t that outrageous of an idea. It’s a very real option. And that’s terrifying. Because Sirius has never had something for himself like this. He’s had the jacket under his floorboards and the pranks at Beauxbatons, but both had been governed by his mother. Any prank he got caught with was reported to her and the had she found the leather jacket he would have surely been done for. But this, this is only for him. She has no influence over this. And fuck, the girls are supportive. They’re encouraging him. For once he’s only a single step away from being who he wants to be. It’s terrifying. It's exhilarating. It’s addicting.

“Come on, Si, what’s taking so long?” Lily asks through a fit of giggles, “We’re waiting for the big reveal!”

Sirius chuckles to himself and takes a deep breath before pulling the curtain to the side. He’s met with a second of silence which feels like a million years before there’s a loud whooping sound and a sharp whistle. Only then does he allow himself to look up at the girls in front of him.

Alice’s jaw is nearly on the floor, Lily looks impressed, eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. Marlene looks way too pleased with herself. She whistles lowly and jumps up from her seat. Grabbing the plaid shirt from the hanger in the dressing room, she pulls Sirius further into the hallway and ties the shirt around his waist.

“You looked great in the suit, but this. This looks even better.” She states, “Don’t you agree ladies?”

“Oh, if I wasn’t in love with Frank, I’d shag Sirius.” Alice mumbles under her breath. Sirius can’t help but laugh at that. He feels capable of laughing now. The jacket isn’t as constrictive as a two piece, or god forbid, a three-piece suit is. Somehow standing there in a leather jacket, ripped jeans, a white shirt and a red plaid shirt tied aorund his waist feels right. Like he finally figured out who he wants to be.

“So, do I look fantastic or do I look fantastic?” He asks, stretching out his arms a bit.

Lily nods, “When James sees you, he’ll have a seizure. He won’t even know who you are.”

“That’s good then.”

“Not a fan of the suits either?” Lily asks. The little minx. She knows exactly what she’s doing. Sirius has to give it to her, she’s sneaky when she wants to be. Asking about the suits, already knowing he doesn’t like them without even having to say anything. She’s a fucking genius. A terrifying one at that.

“Can’t say they’re always comfortable.”

“Can’t imagine they are.” Lily says, “They look terribly stiff. If my mum saw me walking around in that all day I’d fear for my life. She’d kill me for every wrinkle I got in it.”

“Just don’t wrinkle it, then.” Sirius knows far too well what that’s like.

He’s felt the wrath of his mother at a winkle in his suit far too many times. It’s not something he’s ever gotten used to. Neither is the pain that comes from it or the hours he spent locked in the attic for staining his uniform. He remembers the first time he’d ever wrinkled his uniform. He’d been in 6eme, his first year at Beauxbatons, coming home for Christmas break. He’d fallen asleep on the train. When he’d stepped off, ready to tell Regulus all about school, his mother had laid eyes on him. In seconds they'd been home and he’d, for the first time in his life, wished he’d never come home. He can’t remember everything. He remembers the smell of the floo powder, yelling and the sound of a vase falling. The next thing he knows is that he woke up in the attic Kretcher handing him a glass of water. He'd tried not to get wrinkles into his suit after that.

Now though, he doesn’t need to worry about wrinkles. For one, his mother can’t see, and because wrinkles in a shirt are barely visible anyway. No one will notice. He’ll iron the shirts and care for them as best as he can, just out of paranoia but he won’t have to be afraid of forgetting. It’ll take time to get used to, but Sirius knows it’s worth it. He won’t ever need to see his parents again if he doesn’t want to. Three more years and he can do whatever he wants. Wrinkle his suit and wear a leather jacket. Anything he wants. He can’t wait. Three more years until he’s free. These will be the best three years of Sirius’ life.

Marlene rips him from his thoughts when she shoves a heavy bag in his hands. Somehow between stepping out of the dressing room and now, the girls had paid and moves out of the store.

“I paid, so you carry it.” She tells him.

“No, let me pay you back. I can’t let you pay for me.”

She snorts loudly, “You can, and you will. Now come on, we have to get you home before James’ parents get worried. Not that they’d ever get worried when Lily’s around, but you get the gist.” She rambles on and on.

Sirius shakes his head and simply follows her out of Diagon Alley and back to the parking lot where Lily parked. Alice bids them goodbye there, telling them she’ll see them again soon. The rest of them get in the car and drive home. Lily puts on some muggle music to which Marlene sings along to quietly. It’s nice. Sirius opens the window and lets his hand hang out while Lily tells them about one thing or another. They pass woods and houses, and Sirius can’t bring himself to focus, too lost in his first moment of real freedom. He thinks he’s going to like it here. With his friends and a new wardrobe, he thinks he can make this work. All he has to figure out is how to get Regulus out of the cursed house black and into the free world. He’ll get to the that. Just not now. Right now, is just for Sirius.

Lily drops of Marlene and then drives Sirius home. He tries to convince her to just let him out and he’ll apparate back. She levels him with a single look and a decisive, “Sirius if I see you apparating when you shouldn’t be, I will shove your wand so far up your arse you spit it out and cast spells like that.” He shuts up after that and lets her drive him home. He likes her. She doesn’t take any of his shit.

He opens the door, heavy bags filled with clothes none of which he was allowed to pay for in one hand and a house key in the other. It feels strange weild a house key so easily. He doesn’t have a key at home, doesn’t need one. He’s gone the entire year, doesn’t come home for any of the holidays and when he is home over the summer, he just uses the floo. His parents don’t trust him enough to have a key. Having a key would mean being able to leave the house without their permission and return whenever he wanted. There would be too much trust in having a key.

The key feels heavy in his hand. It has since they gave it to him a few days ago. They’d said it would be important for him to have one so he could go out with friends and come back whenever he wanted. They gave him a curfew of course, but it was still more freedom than at home. Sirius wonders what it’s like to grow up with parents that trust you.

The house is eerily quiet.

He waits for Euphemia to come and interrogate him, to ask him where he went, who he went with and why he bought anything. To take his things away and store them somewhere he’ll never see again. He waits in the foyer, if he goes to his room he’s afraid he’ll be yelled at. So, he waits, he waits until his feet hurt and he think that maybe Euphemia won’t yell at him after all. Rationally he knows she never would, of course she wouldn’t. She’s the nicest lady Sirius has ever met in his life, but deep in his head there’s this nagging fear that it’s just a front she’s putting up to make him comfortable before she breaks him. He hates that he thinks so lowly of her. He can’t help himself.

He goes to the kitchen hoping to find some food. He hadn’t allowed himself to eat when he’d been out earlier. Now though, he was starving.   
He sees a note on the fridge addressed to him. His heart picks up speed and his hands freeze around the box of leftovers. Fuck, maybe he wasn’t supposed to take any food. Maybe he’s not allowed to eat their food without permission. God, why would he be so stupid? He’s about to put the box back when he reads the note,

> ‘ _Fleamont and I went to town on a little date, we’ll be back before dinner. There are leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry before dinner. James can take you to the supermarket as well. Love, Euphemia_ ’

His heart doesn’t calm. This time though, it’s not fear. He thinks the way his heart is beating out of his chest and his hands feel warm and soft must be love. He thinks he must be feeling loved for the first time in his life. It’s exhilarating. Even when going on a date, Fleamont and Euphemia thought of Sirius. God, he can’t imagine what a married couple who loves each other and still goes on dates must be like. Can’t imagine what parents are like who put their children before themselves. It’s the best feeling in the world.

He grips the box tighter and takes a few calming breaths before getting a fork. It’s alright. He has permission to eat now.

When he’s finally calm and collected enough to sit and actually eat, he hears the exchange of swift goodbyes, the click of the front door and steps coming toward the kitchen. He looks up to find a surprised looking James staring at him from the doorway. His eyes are wide, his ears pink. He looks confused.

“Sirius? You’re back already?” James asks.

Sirius nods, “I just came home.”

He scrunches up his brows. Why is James acting so weird? He wonders what happened with Remus that James would acting so strange. He’ll figure it out later. He’s too busy basking in the comfort of knowing he’s welcome in the Potter house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of thoughts about Sirius and how his abuse affects him because we never actually see that a lot in the books, so if you wanna read my thoughts let me know and I might add them in the notes of future chapters.
> 
> I based the last part about the food and thinking that he might not be allowed to eat it on my own experience because I wasn't allowed to take food from the fridge at my host family without asking first. I dunno, I just thought it would be an interesting thing to think about.
> 
> As usual, I love you for reading this thank you so much I'm glad you liked it, every comment and kudos and what not are greatly appreciated and I do my best to reply to all of them because I want to interact with you!!
> 
> Let's hope I update again before the end of the year lmao I pray for all of you that I do


	7. Flares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back  
> youre welcome *hands you some angsty hurt/comfort with soft af James*
> 
> **tw for panic attacks and discussions of abuse**
> 
> ignore all typos or spelling mistakes, im posting this at 2am, English isn't my first language or even my second and im dyslexic so like be nice aight  
> i promise ill get around to editing this one day but that day isn't today so just enjoy until then

James is 150% sure that Sirius is going to be the death of him. Actually, scratch that, 150% isn’t enough to express exactly how fucked James feels any time he thinks about Sirius. Which happens to be far more than he’d like. Sirius came home that Saturday looking like every fictional character James had ever had a strange fascination with and looking at Sirius sitting so comfortably in his home, eating after coming home from hanging out with friends, did weird things to his stomach. It had felt domestic in a way sitting with his parents didn’t. It had felt different. The way Sirius had tentatively asked James if he wanted some of the leftovers and asked how his day with Remus was. James hadn’t been able to focus much after he asked Sirius about his day as well, too hung up on his overall appearance and the funny things it did to his brain. James had been sure he’d short circuit with the way Sirius kept laughing at his jokes like they were the funniest things in the world (they weren’t, James knew they were stupid).

In simple terms, James is completely and utterly, entirely fucked and it’s all Sirius’ fault. It’s been four weeks. Which in turn means that more than half of summer break has passed and there’s only two or so weeks left until school starts. Two or so weeks until James will have to start focusing on things that aren’t Sirius and how ridiculously good, he looks in his football kit. And fuck if James doesn’t know he’ll fail miserably once school starts.

He’s managed to convince Sirius to try out for the quidditch team when the year starts and James doesn’t know whether he should be excited to see Sirius playing with him for Gryffindor or whether he should be scared of what he’ll feel every time he sees Sirius getting ready in the locker-room. Which brings up another problem. Sirius hasn’t been sorted yet. In the letter Dumbledore sent James’ dad, he’d said that Sirius would be sorted approximately two-ish weeks before school starts, so they can get it all arranged and accommodated in school. James doesn’t know what there really is to accommodate and arrange but he figures Dumbledore must know. The issue is that they’ve hit that two-week mark and Dumbledore or anyone from Hogwarts have yet to show up. James spends an entire week on edge, trying very hard not to cringe every time an owl comes to deliver the mail, hoping, praying that it’s not Dumbledore. Because James knows that when Dumbledore comes, it’ll mark the end of the summer and by proxy James’ time with Sirius. It’s not that they won’t see each other again after that, but James isn’t stupid, he knows that Sirius will want to hang out with the other French kids and he’s also not blind, he knows that Sirius will get all the attention as soon as he steps into the castle. James doesn’t like how bile rises in his throat every time he thinks about Sirius getting attention from someone that isn’t James. It’s an ugly and uncomfortable feeling that James doesn’t want to examine further. Thinking about it more means confronting the feelings he has, and he doesn’t want to do that yet. For now, he’ll leave his feelings as a Schrödinger’s cat. As long as he doesn’t look too much into them, they’re both there and not there and James can pretend that it’s the latter.

Dumbledore shows up a week before break ends. James nearly has a heart attack when he comes downstairs in the morning to find his principal, and two of his teachers standing in his kitchen, looking like they own the place. James has half a mind to tell them to fuck right off to Hogwarts and to leave Sirius alone. He doesn’t because he’s a decent human being, but the thought does cross his mind more than once. Especially when his mom squeals in delight when she sees James and tells him to go wake up Sirius so they can talk and get it all over with. James really wishes the floor would swallow him up right then and there.

He knocks three times on Sirius’ door before he hears a loud groan and someone walking to the door quickly.

“James?” Sirius asks blearily, accent thicker than usual, voice heavy with sleep and dream. It does funny things to James’ insides.

“Dumbledore is downstairs, and you’re being sorted today.” James stutters out, “Mum said to get you so we can get it done before lunch time.”

Sirius stiffens up and nods, giving James a tight smile before telling him he’ll be down in a few minutes. James contemplates for a second whether he should wait and go down with Sirius once he’s done, but ultimately decides that might be a bit creepy, so he begrudgingly trudges back to the kitchen where Dumbledore and McGonagall are already setting everything up while Hagrid looks like he’s having a hard time not breaking anything. James feels like he can relate, though his breakage is on a more emotional than physical level. Still, he thinks it counts.

The Sirius that comes wanders into the kitchen after a couple of minutes, is not at all like the Sirius James has gotten to know these past few weeks, and he doesn’t like it one bit. Gone is the happy-go-lucky, troublemaker, delinquent boy James has grown so fond of, who rolls his eyes at James’ shitty jokes and beats him into next week when they play football. Reaplcing it is the boy James met at the train station five weeks ago. He’s serious, collected and the picture-perfect poster child of a pure-blood family. James thinks he looks like a doll in a dollhouse, ready to be moved and manhandled every which way as long as it pleases whoever is playing with him. His eyes are downcast and the way he lowers his head even further when he sees Dumbledore, McGonagall and Hagrid makes James wonder who made Sirius think he isn’t worthy of existing.

“Good morning, sirs, ma’am.” He tells them, voice stilted with a perfect British accent, not at all the cute morning voice James heard just a few moments ago, “I hope you had calm ride here.”

Dumbledore exchanges a worried look with McGonagall but doesn’t seem to dwell on it, instead giving Sirius a gentle smile, “It’s so good to finally meet you, my boy.”

McGonagall nods and gestures toward the living room where they’d set up a bar chair with the hat lying on it. James stomach twists when it dawns on him that this is really happening.

“I assume Mr. Potter has explained the houses to you?” She asks and Sirius nods, “In that case why don’t we get that done first and talk later?”

Everyone hums in approval, but Sirius simply follows without reacting, much like a marionette being pulled wherever the owner wants it to go. It’s terrifying. 

He sits himself down on the wooden chair and doesn’t even flinch when the hat springs to life, already talking before he’s even put anywhere near Sirius’ head.

James shoves his hands into his pockets to hide the fact that they’re shaking more than they do before a quidditch game. He’d been so convinced that Sirius would end up in Gryffindor that any other option hadn’t even crossed his mind. Now though, seeing this terrifyingly calm and reserved side of Sirius he thinks he may have been wrong. Sirius is the perfect Slytherin, there’s no denying it. Not just looks wise. He has the smarts, the charm, the ambition, James knows, has been on the receiving end of it far too many times in the span of the past few weeks. He’s so intelligent, the only one who can match him is Lilly and even she sometimes flounders and puffs when she doesn’t know what to say anymore. Looking at him now, the way he sits with his legs crossed, back as straight as a rod, James thinks Sirius belongs on a throne and not an old bar chair. He should be sitting in a big marble castle, surrounded by the prettiest things in the world. Not here. Not with James. But James is selfish, and he doesn’t want Sirius to sit in the dark, dingy dungeon of the Slytherin dormitory. He wants Sirius right by his side, sitting with him in front of the fire in the Gryffindor room, complaining about classes as they relax together. James wants Sirius with him more than Sirius is a Slytherin. It doesn’t change who Sirius is though, and it doesn’t change what the hat will say.

“You’re feisty, aren’t you?” The hat asks and it occurs to James that he completely missed how it was placed on Sirius head in the first place. “You don’t really want to be here right now, do you?”

Sirius doesn’t answer verbally, but judging by the way the hat laughs, he must have thought something particularly funny.

“You don’t like being anywhere, you say? Well then how do we place you if you don’t like it anywhere?”

The slight crease between Sirius’ brows tells James that not only would Sirius truly rather be anywhere else right now, but he’s also afraid. His eyes keep flicking to the side of the room where the teachers are, like he’s afraid of what they’ll say now that the hat is telling them what he’s thinking. Like he’s afraid that they’ll punish him for thinking at all.

The hat hums, “Your family seems quite proud of their Slytherin heritage,” it says. In an instant James’ blood runs cold and the air in the room grows frigid.

“You don’t seem to like that very much though. A shame really, you’d be perfect there. So smart and cunning, so manipulative when you want to be.” The hat tells them, “Don’t pretend you don’t see it, you’d be perfect there. You’d fit right in. But you don’t want that, do you?”

Sirius doesn’t answer. The hat asks again. Sirius still doesn’t answer.

“Stubborn too, are you? A bit of everything if you ask me. You’re making it hard to decide.”

James holds his breath as he watches the hat mull it over, seemingly arguing with Sirius quietly. He sees his parents looking slightly uncertain at the display in front of them as well. It’s a strange sight.

“That’s quite brave of you, I have to say.” The hat says and James really wishes he knew what he was referring to, “Are you really sure, though? You’d be so good with them, such a good little manipulator.”

For the first time Sirius speaks and when he does James feels relief flood his system like a dam breaking in a storm, “I’m sure.”

The next thing he knows, the hat is screaming “Gryffindor” as loud as it can, and Sirius lets out a barely perceptible sigh. James breaths deep in relief and has to physically stop himself from simply grabbing Sirius by the front of his shirt and crushing him in a hug. As much as he tries to restrain himself though, he can’t stop himself from grinning brightly and giving Sirius’ shoulder a tight squeeze that he hopes conveys exactly how happy he is.

“See, I told you, you’d be with me!” James says, trying not to flinch at how his words came out, “Always knew you’d be a Gryffindor.”

“Thank you,” Is all Sirius answers. He has that weird, polite smile on his face that he had at the train station and it makes James want to run far, far away to where he never has to see that strange, sad pull at Sirius lips again.

Sirius turns to Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Hagrid who are busy stashing away the hat and speaking to each other in whispers. McGonagall must feel his stare on her, because she turns abruptly and moves to stand in front of Sirius, who James is still holding on to.

“Congratulations, Mr. Black,” She tells him, “I’m sure you’ll fit right in with the other students, not to mention that Mr. Potter here will surely do his best to integrate you.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

She shakes her head and gives his shoulder a light squeeze as well, “No need. I’ll be happy to have you in my house. You’ll be a great addition to our family.”

Sirius’ eyes flicker for a second and James doesn’t know what to make of that, of the way they seem unsure and afraid of what’s happening when James thinks that this should be the happiest day of all summer break. He doesn’t say anything, just watches Sirius dish out polite smiles and bow his head at anyone who congratulates him.

Euphemia steps forward and pulls Sirius into a gentle hug, holding him close, his head resting below her chin as she strokes his hair. It fees awfully domestic and James likes the way it makes it seem like Sirius is part of their family.

“I’m so, so proud of you.” She whispers to Sirius, the only reason James even hears is because he’s still holding on to him, “I know you’re scared right now, but I promise it’ll be alright. We’ll help you with anything you need, yeah? We’re here for you every step of the way.”

Sirius nods almost imperceptibly and mumbles a quiet, even a bit wet thank you. James’ mum smiles and squeezes him one last time before letting go.

“Why don’t you and James go, while us adults talk about all the boring administrative stuff, hm?”

Sirius looks to James who nods eagerly and grabs his hand already dragging him out of the room and up the stairs, “We’ll be down for lunch.” He calls to his mum before disappearing down the hall.

Sirius follows obediently and only when they finally reach his door does he breathe deeply and stops.

He’s staring at the wall, gaze far away, eyes glossy in a way James doesn’t like at all. He looks like he might be two seconds away from shattering into a million little pieces. Like a little gust of wind might tear him apart and not even the strongest magic could put him back together again.

James watches as Sirius’ shoulders draw up and his hands tremble, his entire body shaking so much he looks like a leaf in the wind.

“Si?” James asks gently. He tightens his hold on Sirius’ wrist. Sirius tenses and cramps in on himself, moving away from James and into the wall, his back hitting it roughly. The next thing James knows Sirius has wretched his hand away and is sliding down the wall, completely folded in on himself, shaking and heaving.

“Si?” James tries again, kneeling down, not touching him this time, “Hey, Si, come on, you’re worrying me.”

The hallway feels awfully cold like this, with Sirius pushed in the far corner of it, looking fragile at best and absolutely destroyed at worst.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius mumbles out through shaky breaths, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”

He keeps mumbling, eventually falling into a fit of what James assumes must be panicked French. He doesn’t understand any of it but from the way Sirius keeps flinching away from him and the fact that it’s right after the sorting hat situation James thinks he can guess what this is about. 

He moves to sit with his legs crossed in front of Sirius, not touching just watching and letting Sirius let it out until he calms down. Except he doesn’t seem to be calming down any time soon. He makes a choking sound, sobs and coughs stuck in his throat in a pathetic attempt at staying quiet, knowing the others are still downstairs. James is afraig Sirius might suffocate if he keeps trying to stay quiet.

He casts a quiet silencing charm on the hallway and hopes that it works well enough to at least muffle their noise.

“I cast a silencing charm,” He tells Sirius softly, “You can cry properly if you want. Nobody but me will hear.”

Sirius barely moves but after a few seconds the chocking sounds go away and are replaced with increasingly wet sounding sobs and coughs. James’ thinks his heart might explode if he has to see even one more second of this.

“Do you want to go to my room, and we can talk about it? Or you can just rant or cry, that’s okay too. We can also get Voleuse too, if that would make you comfortable. Or our cat.” He offers. James’ chest tightens and he reaches out a hand toward Sirius. He flinches and moves further into the wall.

“Come on, I won’t hurt you. I just want to help you up so we can go somewhere more comfortable. I don’t think the wall is very nice.”

Sirius hesitates before finally, finally looking up at James and fuck. James’ heart shatters into a billion little pieces. Whoever hurt Sirius enough to make him look like this, like someone who went through hell and then some more than once, deserves nothing but the Cruciatus curse.

“Here, I’ll get up first and you don’t have to touch me at all.”

To prove his point, James gets off the floor, dusts himself off and gives Sirius his best smile. He steps back a bit to make himself feel less imposing. He can tell Sirius is embarrassed and towering over him more than usual wouldn’t help much with that. James opens the door to his room and shoves it open wide, nodding at it invitingly.

“My room is way more comfortable than the hallway.”

Sirius gets up slowly, shakily but moves toward the door anyway. He skirts past James and when he steps into the room, he looks like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He stands by the entrance, seemingly too afraid to step in further and do something he’s not allowed to do.

“You can sit on my bed,” James tells him.

“I’m wearing my day clothes.” Sirius says quietly. James doesn’t understand.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” He tells him anyway.

“Your bed will be dirty.”

“I’ll clean the sheets if I have to.”

Sirius looks at him strangely, eyes still puffy and red and every time he speaks his voice sounds strained and a single misplace word away from vanishing completely.

“Here,” James says, sitting himself down on the bed first, “We can sit together. See? I’m wearing my day clothes too. We’ll just ruin my bed together.”

Sirius eyes soften a bit, and he tentatively stumbles his way to the four poster bed. For once James is grateful that he has way too many blankets and pillows on it. They’ll finally serve a purpose.

“C’mon, let’s lay down. I don’t wanna sit.”

Sirius’ eyes widen and he shakes his head, “I can’t just lie on your bed. It’s yours.”

James has to try very hard not to sigh, “I don’t care. Let’s just lie down.”

He lets himself drop backward, looking at Sirius, waiting for him to follow. After a minute of watching tears stream down Sirius’ face, unmoving, Sirius finally, slowly, lets himself fall on the bed. His head hits the plethora of pillows and James knows his tears will stain them, but he doesn’t care. Not when Sirius looks so fragile and small when he’s usually so much larger than life.

They lie like that for what feels like hours. They stare at the ceiling, Sirius too embarrassed to do much else, unable to stop the tears and get the chocked off sobs to go away, James too afraid of what he might find in Sirius eyes if he looks.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” James asks when Sirius tears stop and all that’s left is his empty gaze and tear stained face, all red and puffy and tired. He looks beautiful in a sick, pathetic kind of way. James hates that even now, when Sirius is at his most vulnerable and hurt James still thinks he’s beautiful. Pain shouldn’t be beautiful. Shame and embarrassment and fear shouldn’t be beautiful. Yet somehow, on Sirius they look natural, almost like they’re all he is. James doesn’t like that. Doesn’t like how used and comfortable Sirius looks in his horror.

“I don’t know.” Sirius answers.

James hums, “Is it about what the hat said?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t like that you’re in Gryfindor?”

“No.”

James shifts to lie on his side, to look at Sirius just a little bit, “Then why are you upset about it?”

There’s a long silence where Sirius closes his eyes, refusing to answer and for a second James thinks he’s fallen asleep, when he turns his head just enough to look James in the eye, “My mum will kill me when she finds out.”

James narrows his eyes at that, “I won’t let her.”

“There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Watch me,” James tells him, and he means it more than he’s ever meant anything before. He doesn’t know how literally Sirius means it when he says his mum is going to kill him, but James has a feeling he means it very literally. Still if it came down to it, James thinks he’d go down kicking and screaming before letting anyone or anything hurt Sirius, “My parents will make sure she doesn’t do anything to you. I’ll fight her personally if she tries anything.”

Sirius chuckles weakly, “Sure, James.”

“I mean it. Seriously, Si, I mean it.” He says, turning completely, trying to catch Sirius eye as much as possible, “You’re part of this family and I’ll be damned if I let anyone do anything to you, especially because of something as dumb as what a sentient hat said about your personality. If she has anything to say about you being in Gryffindor, she’s gotta talk to me first and I guarantee she won’t be able to talk to you personally.”

“You’re underestimating her.”

James snorts, “You’re underestimating me.”

“It’s okay,” Sirius reassures him again, “Whatever she does to me, won’t be the worst she’s done. I’ll be okay.”

James’ stomach drops to his feet and his face scrunches up. He doesn’t like that tone, the lack of emotion and complete and utter resignation in Sirius voice. He thinks he might vomit at the thoughts that come to mind when Sirius utters those words.

“Sirius…” He starts, unsure how to continue.

“At least she’ll be mad at me and not Regulus.” He says, “Maybe she’ll leave him alone completely when I go back.”

“Sirius,” James says, barely above a whisper. Sirius turns his head to look at him fully this time, eyes less puffy, now only empty. James reaches out a tentative hand and stops a breath away from Sirius face, too afraid that he’ll run if James touches him, “Sirius, what does your mum do to you?”

“What do you think?” Sirius whispers back. It’s not mocking or mean or malicious. It’s curious. Almost like he doesn’t know the answer to the question himself.

“I— I think she hurts you. I think she punishes you for things that aren’t wrong, and I think that she’s doing things to you no mother should do to her son.”

Sirius hums, “I don’t know what she does.”

James takes a deep breath and finally asks the questions he’s been meaning to ask since he first saw Sirius at the train station all those weeks ago.

“Sirius, why are you so thin?” He asks and gets no answer, only a sad little smile, “Why do you always hide your body? Why do you flinch whenever anyone touches you? Sirius, why do you live the way you do?”

“I don’t know.” Sirius says and James believes him. They both know it’s Sirius’ mum’s fault, all of it. But the ‘I don’t know’ means only that, means only that Sirius doesn’t know why his mum does the things she does, treats him the way she does.

“Is it okay if I touch you?”

Sirius nods and James lets his hand rest on his cheek, not holding on to it or applying pressure, just letting it rest there. Sirius lets him. He doesn’t move, only watches James and the way his eyes flicker from feature to feature.

“You’re freezing.” James mumbles.

“I’m sorry.”

James shakes his head, “No, it’s okay. Let me give you some comfier clothes.”

“You don’t have to. I’m fine.”

“Let me,” James insists, “Please?”

Sirius doesn’t say anything to stop James, so James takes it as affirmation and moves his hand away from Sirius face to get up. Sirius eyes dim a little and James’ heart clenches, “I’ll be back in a second. I’ll draw you a bath too, so you can warm up properly.”

Sirius looks like he’s going to protest but his eyes keep fluttering shut so James smiles and goes to his bathroom to draw a hot bath. While the water fills the tub, he goes back to his room and pulls out the coziest, most comfortable clothes he owns. They’re at least two sizes too big for James and by proxy even bigger for Sirius, but they’re comfortable. He leaves the clothes in the bathroom and lets Sirius know when the bath is full. Sirius only nods and hurries into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. Once he’s gone James lets himself fall on his bed, staring at the ceiling. For a few seconds he lets himself just exist like that, taking in everything Sirius told him. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for James to be certain that he’d never let Sirius go back to that wretched house. When he hears the shuffling of Sirius getting undressed he gets back up from the bed and shoves the pillows in order, tucks the blanket in properly and closes the blinds. Sirius looked exhausted earlier and James thinks that Sirius deserves all the comfort in the world at the moment. So, he grabs one pillow and shoves it on his little, old couch along with a blanket from the closet in the hallway and resigns himself to spending the rest of the day napping with Sirius. It’s not a terrible idea, he thinks. In fact, he quite likes it. Likes the idea of being close to Sirius and simply existing in his orbit.

“Thank you.”

James gets pulled from his thoughts and the small bit of tidying he’d been doing when Sirius emerges from the bathroom, looking duly embarrassed.

“I’ll get these cleaned tomorrow,” he tells James, gesturing to the clothes he’s wearing.

“Nonsense.” James says, “My mum will wash them.”

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred-and-fifty percent.”

Sirius chuckles a bit and fiddles with the hem of the too big t-shirt, looking around the room awkwardly, “Thank you, James. For letting me stay and being so kind to me, I mean.”

His accent is thick, and he speaks so quietly, James has a hard time hearing him, but he thinks he’d understand the words even if he was dead and six feet under.

He grins at Sirius, “My pleasure,” He says, “Now, I think we both deserve a nap.” Sirius nods and reaches for the door handle, but James stops him, “Nu-Uh, no way. You’re staying here. We’re having a proper bro-sleep over. I even got us some snacks.”

He waves a pack of crisps he’d found on his desk earlier and Sirius levels him with a strange look, “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Now get in the bed. I’m knackered, mate I got up way too early today.”

Sirius chuckles and awkwardly gets under the covers of James’ bed. At the sight, James heart skips one, or maybe fifty, beats. They chat a bit more before eventually Sirius falls asleep mid-sentence and James can’t help the chuckle that escapes him at the sight. It’s so domestic it hurts. 

James falls asleep not much later, to the thought of sharing a room, a bed, a life, with Sirius, completely uncaring of the fact that they’ll be missing lunch and probably dinner too. Right now, he’d rather be nowhere else, with no one but Sirius. Right now, everything feels right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, uh hi yes hello I'm actually back no I didn't abandon this I just literally didn't know what to write but alas im back and with angst as well
> 
> again sorry for being gone for so long ik people wanted me to continue this 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, and again sorry that it got so angsty, they just make it so easy to be angst.  
> Also, also, yay to anyone who voted for Gryffindor you won!!!   
> So yeah, idk I don't have much more to say about this
> 
> come talk in the comments and tell me what you think, I need the ego boost k thanks  
> I also just really need to know what you think about this and whether this was okay/or if James and Sirius were too ooc so ya

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea because I, myself, am currently an exchange student and when me and a couple friends were talking about the flag game I couldn't help but imagine Sirius and a few others playing the game and James being confused and a little bit jealous. Form that this idea happened. I don't actually know what I'm doing, but I'm having fun so it's fine,


End file.
